Page 51 of Devils' Day Party
“Hurt her and I'll kill you all!” I shout before turning back to Pearl, knowing even before I do this that I'm going to regret it.
But … then I'll go to sleep. Or I'll fucking die. And it'll start all over again. Maybe this is hell and I'm paying for every mistake I ever made in life? Maybe this is purgatory, and I'm being judged? If so, then I'm headed for the ninth circle of hell after this.
I'm not sure that I care.
“What do you want, Trailer Park?” Pearl snaps, looking me up and down with a similar expression to Raz's. Just … less hungry maybe. Raz Loveren might hate my guts, but he wants to fuck me, that much is for sure. I mean, I'm not exactly flattered. Pretty sure he fucks anything with a pussy.
It occurs to me as she sneers my way that she could be the one who uploaded the video of me and Calix.
“You're nothing but a useless whore,” I say, my voice a cold deadpan, a dead ringer for Calix's. As the words leave my mouth, I pretend like it's one of the Knight Crew saying it to me. Like it's Raz.
“Excuse me?” Pearl asks, taking a step back from me. She's wearing a silver pleated skirt—an alternate uniform choice—and her purple blazer, an iPad clutched against her chest. She scowls at me, like my words don't bother her. I can see in her eyes that they do.
“You're not worth the air that you breathe,” I continue, taking a step forward, hating myself more and more with each word that falls from my lips, each one a toxic cloud that hurts me as surely as it does Pearl. The Knight Crew isn't worth this; my soul isn't worth this. Tears sting my eyes, but I don't stop. I won't. “The world would be better off without you in it.”
I do not repeat the last few sentences that Calix told me; I’m fairly certain they were meant for my ears only anyway.
“Fuck you, Trailer Park!” Pearl screams, dropping her iPad to the stone floor with a crack. It hits the ground and shatters, her words echoing off the limestone walls of the old school. “Fuck you!” She turns and runs down the hall, leaving her iPad behind, the sound of her footsteps making me sick to my stomach.
“Color me surprised,” Raz purrs, sliding up on my right side and slinging a companionable arm around my neck. “You're ruthless, Trailer Park. I guess we'll let you hang with us today.”
Barron sweeps past me without looking my way.
He doesn't need to.
I can see it written in the thin line of his mouth, the dark shadows in his eyes: disappointment.“I can't believe you did that to Pearl,” Luke says, shaking. Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “You of all people should know how it feels to be treated so poorly.”
“Me of all people?” I retort as we stand in the hall during break. “Because I'm such a fucking loser? Because I'm always the one that's keeping my head down, hoping they won't notice me?”
“You know I didn't mean it like that,” Luke whispers as April storms up to us, shoving her glasses up her nose. She slaps me across the face, and I stand there in shock, my cheek stinging, my palm reaching up to press against the hotness of my cheek.
“How could you?” April fumes, her brown hair braided and slung over her shoulders. She's so mad she's shaking, glaring up at me with a disappointment as thick and cloying as Barron’s. I still have no idea why he's disappointed, considering he's one of the ones who sent me off with that task in the first place. “You're supposed to be different than them. You're supposed to be better.”
“Maybe I'm tired of being better?” I whisper, fighting back tears. “Maybe I'm just plain tired? It hurts to keep trying, only to end up at the exact same place over and over again.”
“It doesn't matter how tired you are or how hard it gets,” April shouts, her normally gentle voice rising in hysterics. Now she's crying, too. “The line between bully and bullied is always one small step away. You just crossed it.”
“April,” Luke warns, but even she doesn't have the energy to defend me. Why should she? I deserve all of this and more.
“Well, hello there, Trailer Park,” Raz says, slinging an arm around my neck and licking the side of my face. He chuckles and then flashes those bloodred eyes of his over to April and Luke. “You don't have to hang with the Virgin Mary and your dyke friend today. Welcome to the Knight Crew.”
He pulls me away from my friends and, much to my own complete and utter disgust, I follow.
Insulting Pearl isn't going to win me much of a reprieve from my own bullying. I know that. And yet, I'm playing along anyway. Maybe if I'm bad, maybe if I'm the worst, then I'll wake up and it'll be tomorrow. I'll have a bunch of shit to untangle, but that's better than being stuck in purgatory for all eternity.
