Page 172 of Devils' Day Party
“For Christ's sake,” Barron murmurs. “This is our first day at school with Karma, so can you chill?”
“I can't believe I agreed to this shit,” Raz whispers under his breath, glancing briefly back at me. But for all they did, and all they want from me, they're going to have to deal with it. At least for now. Who knows what the future holds, but I'm more than willing to give it a go. One, because I know that if I get the chance, I'll keep all three boys close to my heart forever. But also because I'm not afraid of anything anymore.
Life is about consequence and choice, about living with the knowledge that every single thing you do affects somebody else in some way. I'm not sure why I was chosen for a once in a lifetime opportunity like I got, but I'm grateful because I know I won't take another step without remembering that what I do matters, who I am matters, and how important we all are to each other, whether we know it or not.
Raz has flaws. Barron has flaws. Fuck, Calix definitely has flaws.
But so do I.
I'm willing to help them realize theirs, but only if they're willing to help me with mine.
“She's with Luke, huh?” I say, thinking about what a wild card Sonja's always been, with her bloodred hair and bright green eyes. She beat the crap out of Erina for me once. Well, for Calix, but still. At the same time, I saw her on days when she was prepared to fuck Luke over the same way Calix had done me. But she is Raz's best friend, and he's not nearly as bad as he seems, so I figure there must be a heart buried in there somewhere. That, and … Luke seems to be in love with her. That’s enough for me.
“They'll meet us there,” Calix says, glancing briefly my way, his eyes hard and dark as always, but with an undertone of tenderness, a softness that says our midnight conversation last night was as good for him as it was for me. I climbed out on the roof at night, my glittery stag's mask on my forehead, my phone on speaker and sitting next to me as I looked up at the stars of another night, a different pattern from the same one I lived over and over and over again. And the moon, the moon was different, too. “Some of the others might have trouble dealing with this.”
“And by this, you mean me?” I ask, glancing back to find Raz and Barron watching me. No matter how old I get, or how many things I see and do, how many people I meet, I'll always remember pushing Raz in the ice-cold creek. Looking at butterflies at midnight in the devil's woods with Barron. Listening for ghosts as Calix and I held each other like we were the last people in the world.
“I mean you,” Calix says with a small frown. “Erina, for example.” He grits his teeth as he says her name. Letting the sex tape go, now that was hard, one of the hardest choices I once might've thought I'd ever make, especially since it meant letting Erina off the hook. But only for now. Once Calix's parents find out that she’s the one who uploaded the photos, they'll press charges. She'll pay at some point, even if it isn't today. “They won't want you to hang out with them.”
“Her hang out with them?” Raz asks, shaking his head. “Nope. It's them lucky enough to hang out with us, so if they can't deal, then screw them. They can get fucked.”
“Right,” Calix says with a sideways smirk as Barron grins and hands a purple lollipop toward me. I take it with a smile of my own, our fingertips sparking as they brush, and I take the candy in my hand. “It is the Knight Crew, after all.”
“Right, and it was you who said naming your friend group is fucking weird. Don't act like a haughty king.” Raz kicks the back of Calix's seat and his eyes narrow as he sneers back at him in the rearview mirror.
“God, they're nasty, aren't they?” Barron asks, almost deadpan, but then he smiles and leans back, lifting his chin in a move just reeking of superiority. All three of them are dick-bags, but damn it if I don't like it. They're never going to be nice per se, but maybe they can be nice to me, and I can make an effort to not kick them in the balls and we'll live happily ever after.
“The college fair starts today,” I say, an almost sad smile blooming on my face. I didn't think I'd ever see this Monday, September 28th of my senior year. Even something as boring as a college fair seems exciting now. “Do you guys have any graduation plans?”
