Page 72 of Plaidypus
“Generally.”
“If we work together, I bet we could dispatch this desecrator within minutes, even if we’re only armed with those road melons.” I rubbed my hands together. “We could compete for who can throw the highest number of melons per minute—and bet on how many minutes it takes to finish the asshole off.”
“Or we could let the Shetland pony deal with it.”
My eyes widened at the thought of my father taking out some desecrator on sacred ground. Worse, I could see him doing just that without even a hint of remorse once he learned what was going on. While small, he was fierce, his hooves hurt when he weaponized them, and he had a nasty bite. “Maybe we should let the cindercorns deal with it. They use fire.”
“But that might start a bush fire, and we don’t want to burn sacred ground. The melons are probably safer for everyone involved. We could start the job with the melons and work at keeping the pony from turning the culprit into paste.” Leonard began packing the little we’d brought into the room with us. “If we don’t show any mercy, no one else with us will, that much I’m certain of.”
“That sounds about right. But if my daddy is coming, you can meet him. He likes wolves.”
“He, a pony, likes wolves?”
“Wolf lycanthropes have a reputation for being family men who will beat the shit out of anyone who hurts their mate. My daddy likes that. He has a very similar mentality. He never made a very good Canadian, which is why he’s now an American cop. He was born and bred Canadian-American, so he has dual citizenship. Mom is in the same boat, which makes me and my brother a pristine blend of American-Canadian. American-Canadian mixes are common, but it’s more uncommon both our parents have dual citizenship. A lot of parents often forget to get their kids citizenship or don’t bother for their kids. They wanted us to have our options open.”
“That does explain a few things I was curious about, because your CDC filedidmention you’re American-Canadian, but I didn’t have access to your parents’ files. By name, your father is rather French-Canadian. Your mother’s maiden name also points towards French-Canadian heritage, but you’re definitely part American, or so says the scanner. The scanner wasn’t kind enough to inform me both of your parents were mixed.”
“They are. Or so the familial story goes. They could be aliens. I mean, Mom’s not much of anything, Dad’s a Shetland pony, and I turned out to be a platypus. Now I’m just confused. That’s what you call a platypus partnered with a wolf, right?”
“I would say more along the lines of special, but the predator-prey relationship is likely at least a little confusing.”
Leonard amused my animals almost as much as he amused me. “So, how does shapeshifting work with the lycanthropy virus?”
“Once your virus is matured enough, one day, you’ll mind your own business, the virus will kick in, and you’ll shift. If we monitor your virus levels closely, I can start teaching you before your first shift, but it’s usually triggered. Something stressful or threatening to you or someone you love is typically the trigger. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the desecrator trips your trigger. The hotspot gave you a fully loaded virus to keep your tank topped up so you could take care of your brother. When I did your scan, your virus was close to supporting shifting, and with your little jaunt out here, I suspect your virus has replicated even more. Lucifer was taking care to make sure you were fed.”
“You checked?”
“Yep. A hungry lycanthrope is a dangerous lycanthrope. Early onset is a serious issue, as you have no practice at working with your virus or containing her when under stress, hungry, or annoyed. Tell me, how does your wolf feel about being leashed?”
If he was the one holding the leash, my shameless wolf would roll over and wag her tail without remorse. “She’s far more excited about the prospect than I expected, honestly. I think it depends on who is doing the leashing and why?”
He chuckled. “Welcome to the wonderful world of being near an eligible lycanthrope of the opposite gender.”
“How does your wolf feel about being leashed?”
“He’d probably make me buy you one and help you get the collar on,” he admitted. “He’s shamelessly attracted to competence. I’m still questioning why Lucifer thought he’d display your competence through fishing, but I enjoy a good show as much as the next man. I guess that means I’m shamelessly attracted to competence, too.”
“I like to fish and hunt, so he was keeping me amused. I caught the first one without any meddling on his part. The one you saw me catch, admittedly, he meddled with. Honestly, I think his father meddled with the first fish. I don’t care either way. I caught them fair and square, even if I had a little help luring them onto the hook.”
“I’d guessed. The probability of a fish that nice going for your bait at that moment is slim to none. But you caught one without confirmed intervention?”
“The Devil stole her.”
Lucifer returned, once again bringing the stench of brimstone with him. “That reminds me. I want to show you their habitat before we leave. They’re delightful and seem to enjoy their new home. Set feeding times suit them, and I’ve figured out a good, varied menu for them. They don’t mind each other, which bodes well for a good spawn. Come along, come along. I’ll play porter for you, and if you forget anything, it’s trivial to have it retrieved. It’s one of the perks at staying at my hotel.”
“You call your house a hotel?” I asked, raising a brow.
“Ever since my wife took over the place, yes. Before she came along, I didn’t even have guest rooms. Now I’m expected to be a good host. And as I value my life and don’t want to sleep on the couch tonight, I’m going to be a good host. Good hosts show off the wife’s fish.”
I read between the lines: Darlene wanted us to see her fish, and the Devil would be the one paying the dues if we failed to cooperate. While tempted to force Lucifer to pay his dues, I had more important things to worry about, including reining my father in. “Let’s go see your fish, then.” My stomach growled a complaint. “And have breakfast.”
“Breakfast first. I’ve learned the hard way that hungry lycanthropes are more than happy to chew on me if provoked.” Lucifer gestured for us to follow. “I’ll set you loose in the kitchen, and once you and your beasts are contained, I’ll give you the grand tour before we teleport to our date with mayhem and murder.”
TWENTY
I feel we’ve spent most of the day going through the universe’s biggest zoo.
Had anyone told me the Devil lived in paradise, a paradise where he rescued animals, gave them good homes, and put the damned souls to work in service to care for every resident of the conservatory, I would have laughed. I would have laughed myself sick several times over. The reality of the situation awed me.
