Page 65 of Plaidypus
“Those will find qilin more to their taste, and the scandal will be delicious. But the fruit of those unions will reunite the species as I intended all along.”
“But they don’t approve of eating meat.”
“Nurture rather than nature. Their nature is quite similar to the qilin, I assure you. These foals will not be nurtured to have an aversion to meat unlike their parents. The kirin are just as carnivorous as the qilin. They, however, were meant to handle and shepherd the bodies who passed in peace rather than in conflict. Much like the standard unicorns, only a bite for them is required. They were always meant to coexist. It is humanity that twisted the whole thing around. Shameful, really. I had a few turns with the bastards responsible for that travesty. I look forward to when they make their way back to my many hells for more correction.”
Darlene sighed, lifted her hand, and rubbed her temple. “You’re being unreasonable.”
“No, I’m not. Those aremyunicorns.”
“Why don’t we just start the camping portion of our night? We have a ride ahead of us, then we have to have our evening camping fun, then we need to head off to hell to do some cleaning and laundry.” I eyed Leonard. “If that’s all right with you.”
He stared down at his dust-caked shirt. “It does seem I’m rather filthy right now. It’d be rude of me not to get cleaned up properly.”
“Oh, gag me now,” Darlene wailed. “Canadians even flirt politely. Make them stop.”
The Devil regarded his wife like she’d lost her mind. Then again, perhaps she had. Wisely, he said nothing, shrugged, and went to work gathering our things so we could hit the road.
EIGHTEEN
I’m riding the Pale Horse of Death, and nobody has died yet.
Leonard rode the pale horse, and I wondered if I beheld some sort of omen. The animal, not quite white but not a shade I considered to be gray, stood still and quiet while the wolf settled on his back. Icy, upon determining the smaller horses wanted to be friends with her, insisted on shuffling around and introducing herself, indulging in nuzzles and issuing pleased whuffles over any attention shown to her.
Fortunately for Icy’s sake, all the horses seemed inclined to be friends with her.
I made certain to pet the moose in my effort to convince her she would have all the attention she wanted.
“I’m not sure which is stranger,” Leonard admitted. “You’re riding a moose. I’m riding the Pale Horse of Death, and nobody has died yet.”
The Pale Horse of Death whinnied, twisted his head around, and flapped his lips at Leonard until he reached over and petted the animal.
“He’s also really sweet,” Leonard said, grinning at the animal. “The next time someone tells me to go to hell, my first thought will involve if I get to pet the horses when I get there.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that all hellish equines are attention whores,” Bailey said, and rather than return to her cindercorn form, she sat astride her husband, who wore NYPD-branded tack. “I should have brought our casual tack with us. We keep drawing attention.”
Lucifer sighed from where he brushed down his wife, who’d demanded she get to play at being a hellish equine. She’d gone for a fire-red mare with flames licking off her coat. “I can go get his regular tack if you want. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
Kanika and Malcolm, who’d joined us in the tail end of our preparations to leave, refused to stop laughing at everyone. The Egyptian woman, with dark hair prone to frizzing, stood at her kelpie’s side, patting his shoulder while waiting for the rest of us to get ready. The kelpie whinnied his amusement, especially when Kanika looked ready to beat her adoptive father to a near-death state.
I questioned how we would escape Australia alive.
“You’ve been with her the entire time?” Kanika asked, and her glare promised death.
Perhaps Leonard would get to see the Pale Horse of Death in his element sooner than later.
“Not the entire time, but most of it. Someone was dumb enough to strike a bargain with Belial over a woman the bargainer intended to ruin in various fashions. Belial came to me, as he loves nothing more than bringing ruin. If I hadn’t taken over the bargain, Australia in its entirety might have been destroyed. Things like this upset him. So, I’m arranging things so Nadine is the winner. She is being mildly inconvenienced with an unconventional vacation with a bonus of murder. Afterwards, we go home happy. More importantly, I go home exceptionally happy I get to take the whole lot of them to my dungeon for rehabilitation.” Lucifer smiled at his heir. “I’ve made sure she’s had a good time doing things she likes. I couldn’t invalidate the bargain, but I could bring ruin to the bastards behind it.”
Kanika relaxed, and she stroked her kelpie’s neck. “All right. Can I have a turn with them?”
“Absolutely. Take your mother with you so you can practice and get help when you need it, and if you want them to suffer extra, take Diana as well. I can survive without the ladies of my household for a few hours.”
That got Kanika laughing, and after shaking her head, she scrambled onto her kelpie’s back. “But are you sure?”
“Don’t answer that,” Darlene warned. “She will try to kill you.”
“What kind of horse are you?” I asked, wondering how horses could talk. The Four Horses of the Apocalypse hadn’t started speaking, but I wondered if they could.
I was afraid to ask.
