Page 62 of Plaidypus
“I’m Ernesto,” the older vampire announced, and he flashed me a grin, which showed off his elongated teeth. “This is my daughter, Pierina. She won the right to come along for the ride, as she has not yet been to Australia. She prefers to stay closer to home, and I haven’t been here in a great many years. The last time I came, I didn’t linger long.” Ernesto gestured in the direction of the sun. “It’s a little hotter than I prefer, really. And that’s with the various protections. Don’t mind your brother. He’s doing quite well learning to walk under the sun, but it’s tiring. As he’s been rather worried, I’m not surprised he is catching up on some sleep after confirming you’re hale and hearty.”
I grunted, as the silver ghost wanted me to know he did not approve of the hook in his mouth and intended to drag me into the river, likely so he could eat me if I gave him a single chance. “I mean, I had a bad moment or two until I realized the Devil hadn’t come calling to take me to hell. That was quite the surprise.” I frowned, then shrugged. “Well, to hell for eternal damnation, that is.”
“You’re hiring her, Lucifer?” Ernesto asked.
“Absolutely. She’s perfect for my needs, and her rather disgruntled mate will be a good catch once he comes to terms with settling down and being captured by a capable woman who enjoys fishing and hunting. And cleaning out my bank account when it’s time to feed her. My darling, do update our shopping list. We’re going to have extra mouths to feed tonight. If you have any contact lists for blood donors outside of the CDC, we can clear out some debts and win some bargains that way.”
“What happened to playing as ponies?” Darlene complained, although I caught a glimpse of her digging out her phone to do as her husband asked. “I was looking forward to pretending we were cute Australian ponies.”
“Would you be happier if we picked out a few horses from a mob after our adventure and take them home with us? They’re considered pests in some parts, so nobody will notice if we nip off with a small herd of them.”
“I can accept that,” the snow leopard replied.
“Excellent. Now, Bailey, whatever are you upset about? She’s been having herself a great time. Just look at her. That is the prime example of a happy woman. I even paid for her new toys.”
The cindercorn snorted flame at Lucifer. “You set us up on wild goose chase, and you had her all along?”
“Well, yes. She needed to see there were those who cared enough about her to launch a rescue operation. And her mate needed some time to come to terms with those pesky emotions he thought he’d killed off but were revived under the influence of a sweet woman with a hot chocolate addiction. Now that he’s had time to come to terms with those pesky emotions, you can take part in the next stage of my plan. Which is going smashingly well, in case you wanted to know. And anyway, look at your stallion. He’s taking a nap with Icy. They’re getting along so well.”
The cindercorn turned her ears back and stared at her husband. “Why he nap on job?”
“He knows I won’t let anything happen to you, and he’s been on edge since this started. He also knows nobody with any sense pisses off a moose, so he’s in the safest spot in Australia right now. Icy likes him, so she’ll protect him.”
The cindercorn’s ears flicked forward, and she eyed the water. “Fish?”
“Sure. We have extra rods. Just make sure you protect what little modesty you have left so your husband doesn’t get sulky. Darlene?”
“I’ll go help make sure she gets shifted all right, and I’ll check on their herd of kids at the same time. I’m sure they’re fine, as they’ve got an entire gorgon hive watching them plus an army of grandparents and extended family.”
“You’re a most excellent wife. I’m so glad I somehow got the best wife in the entire universe.”
“That wasn’t thank you, but I’ll let it pass this once.”
Lucifer smirked.
With the cindercorn mare conquered, the Devil turned his attention to my brother. “Well, I was going to pick a fight with him for the fun of it, but it’s more entertaining when the other party is conscious to bicker with me. Who is next?”
“Nobody,” Darlene replied, and her tone implied if anyone argued with her, there would be bodies. She left, herding Bailey off and giving the cindercorn mare a hearty pat on her shoulder.
“And that concludes the argument phase of our afternoon,” Lucifer said, and he settled on his chair to watch me battle the silver ghost. Within a few minutes, a yawning dark-haired woman dressed in a pair of shorts and a halter top followed Darlene back to our fishing spot, and both women held two iced coffees. “We will enjoy a fun evening camping some hundred miles to the north of here. A good two hour trip at a decent clip. I’m sure you can all keep up. We’ll head out after Nadine is done having her fun with this fish. Make yourselves comfortable. We might be a while. As such a magnificent fish can’t be turned into dinner, I’m adopting it. She’s just catching it for me. Darlene has tried to adopt every fish she’s caught so far, but we’ve let them most of them go. The few we haven’t let go have gone to our home to become pets. We’ve been eating fish from the store. I always look the ones we’ve caught in the eyes, and then I have to either set it free or adopt it. And so it goes.”
Ernesto sighed, and he regarded the other horses, four of whom could only be the Four Horses of the Apocalypse. “I’m so sorry for him,” he informed the red horse. “Thank you for putting up with us so far.”
The four horses bobbed their heads, and like Icy, they found a spot to lounge and make themselves comfortable while waiting for me to finish conquering my fish.
The fish did his best to tear my arms out of their sockets, but after confirming I held Leonard’s attention, my animals wanted me to land our prey. They had flirting to do, and until the fish was headed to his new home in the Devil’s many hells, all they could do was make sure the fish serving as their current vessel of flirtation didn’t escape.
It amused me that my platypus fell prey to my wolf’s innocence, as we’d been bar diving often enough to be well aware of how things worked between men and women.
I could only assume the virus bonded with my platypus as well, erasing some of her common sense and replacing it with anticipation. In a way, I appreciated the changes. While three of us shared my body, we were all pointed in the same general direction.
I needed to give Leonard a chance to run—and find out if he wanted me to chase him. I wanted a turn doing the chasing.
As the fish came between us and our newly fledged plans to hunt a single, handsome, and ridiculously nice male wolf, I went to work getting the fish on the shore where he belonged, and rather than dick around once I got him within five feet of shore, I locked my line and went the brute force route again, discovering it worked just as well on him as it did on his future girlfriend.
Lucifer laughed. “What? Not going to let him dance around for an hour on you this time?”
“Get him home before he flops around and I feel bad, and I want his measurements.”
