Page 67 of Plaidypus
The Devil laughed, did one final check of his wife’s saddle, and swung up on her back. “Don’t worry, you two. If you are not ready to snuggle, I’m sure you can figure out how to platonically share a bed. It’s just a little temptation. You can handle it.”
I took the time to admire Leonard, who continued to shower the Pale Horse of Death with affection. “A little?”
Leonard’s mouth twitched upwards before he controlled his expression.
“That’s better on the flirting front. If you want him to dress in plaid before doing a strip tease for you, you need to make comments like that in a higher frequency. Should that fail, just take off your shirt. That tends to do an excellent job of sending the appropriate message to oblivious men. Or so my wife claims.”
“Beating the oblivious man with your bra works, but only if he likes being beaten with a bra. Some do, some don’t. Mine does, but it comes at the price of the bra,” Darlene announced.
“Bras are too expensive for that nonsense. Don’t listen to her,” Kanika advised. “I recommend a nice pair of boots and only the boots. I’ve found that to be effective. Life in hell is interesting, but you’ll learn to just roll with this sort of talk. When there are succubi and incubi everywhere, prudish ways don’t survive long.”
Malcolm whinnied and bobbed his head.
“Everyone is happier when they’re not embarrassed by who they love and how often they love them,” Lucifer stated in a rather amused tone. “Some of us have needed more persuasion than others. I’m talking about you, Bailey.”
Bailey heaved a sigh and bowed her head. “It’s true.”
I twisted around on Icy to regard my brother, who rode the White Horse of Conquest. To my amusement, Ernesto rode beside Matthieu on the Red Horse of War, making sure my brother remained in the saddle. “Is he really just passed out?”
“It’s to be expected,” the ancient vampire replied, and he offered me a rather toothy grin. “Truth be told, he’s already exceeded my expectations, especially considering the circumstances of his rising into his second life. With a little help from Conquest and War, we’ll keep him in the saddle. Some rope will help with that, too. The Four Horses can move without dislodging their riders, which is why they came with us in the first place. And anyway, Matthieu would inevitably bristle at the conversation, as he’s not quite ready for you, his precious sister, to be settling down with the big bad wolf.”
I laughed, as my brother would bristle, and he’d do so in such a way he’d annoy everyone around him. “Are you the big bad wolf, Leonard?”
“No comment.” Once again, his mouth twitched, but this time, he cracked and grinned. “Well, mostly. I haven’t been bad in quite a while, but I might be convinced.”
Lucifer clapped. “Much better on the flirtation front. Keep doing that, and you may actually reach the snuggle phase of getting to know each other better. Truth be told, some platonic snuggling would be good for you both. You need not pursue things any further than that unless you truly want to.”
Darlene regarded her husband with a fiery eye. “That was suspiciously sensible coming from you. Spit it out. What wretched thing are you going to say next to ruin your good effort?”
“Well, I was going to offer risk-free entertainment should they pursue things beyond snuggling, valid for two weeks to get to know each other better.”
“I accept that offer,” I informed the Devil. “Thank you.”
“I’m accepting that offer, too.” Leonard laughed. “Only a fool would not accept that offer. Incubi and succubi are the only guaranteed birth control method outside of complete abstinence, and complete abstinence is code for excessive amounts of general frustration.”
No kidding. “He’s quite sensible for a lycanthrope,” I told the Devil.
“He really is. That sensibility is why I suspect you’ll have to do a lot of work if you want more than just some snuggles tonight.Someonehas to be sensible. Personally, I’d be grateful that person isn’t you.”
The time off from dealing with the souls in his many hells must have damaged something in the Devil’s brain. “I’m perfectly sensible, thank you.”
“You can be sensible, but as your future employer, I’m suggesting you forgo sensibility for at least a few weeks. It’s more fun that way.”
As I’d learned I could ignore Lucifer’s insanity without consequence, I opted to give Leonard my full attention. “We might have to take turns being sensible.”
“Or we can go with his idea and forgo sensibility altogether,” the wolf replied. “I came all the way to Australia, and it seems I’m going to hell tonight, so I may as well earn the trip. I’ll admit, I tried to be sensible when it became clear you’d been kidnapped, but that quickly flew out the window when the cindercorns showed up.”
“It’s true, we’re not sensible,” Bailey said. “Wait. I’m not sensible, and Sam tries not to be sensible when he’s off duty, and we’re off duty right now. I don’t understand how we got off duty for this, honestly. One minute, I was actually doing my job, and the next, our boss is kicking us out and telling us to go to Australia with some vampires and a CDC rep about ten seconds from having a meltdown. The CDC rep never had the meltdown, the one vampire has melted down enough for everyone, and well, I’m glad he’s finally shut up because I thought about lighting his ass on literal fire for a while there. I’m a master at annoying people, and he managed to annoyme.”
Sam bobbed his head and whinnied. “He’s just very bad at being a good little brother. But he tried.”
“We need to make sure our children are more sensible.”
“I wish you the best of luck with that,” Sam muttered.
With a scowl, Bailey bonked her husband between his dark ears. “Our children are always sensible!”
Judging from the outburst of laughter, Bailey lied, everybody knew it, and they found her hysterical.
