Page 57 of Plaidypus
“I have determined that Australia is quite similar to Canada but with different accents and a heat problem.”
“I’m sure the Australians feel Canada has different accents and a snow problem.”
“No lies detected,” I replied, spying a set of tables and chairs set up on the sidewalk nearby. Icy needed no encouragement to follow me, and after digging through her tack, I found a camping pan she could use as a bowl to enjoy her treat. Darlene sat across the table from me with her coffee, sipping away at it. “The extra iced coffee is for you. The smaller drink is Lucifer’s consolation prize. He got an iced coffee run through the blender.”
She laughed. “Did you literally tell them to run it through a blender?”
“Yes, I did.”
“That’s going to drive him crazy. I love it. He acts like he doesn’t like my iced coffees, but then he steals sips of mine. He’s probably stealing mine because it’s mine, but I suspect he secretly likes iced coffee and doesn’t want to admit it. He’s always making fun of my drinks. He’s who he is, and I’d be concerned if he wasn’t trying to pull my tail in some fashion or another.”
“Is he just being particularly well-behaved right now?”
“Not really. He’s being excessive, but that’s his normal. For the record, the people inside the shop think we’re crazy for wanting to be outside right now. This is how we will surely get sun stroke. They have identified me as a sexy tourist, and they’re confused about you. They didn’t recognize your accent.”
“It must be nice being able to listen in on people’s thoughts.”
“Initially, I couldn’t—which was probably a good thing. It can be maddening. I’ve been able to do it now if I concentrate. Which is also maddening, since I often miss the good parts.”
Lucifer cleared his throat from behind me. “No, what is maddening is when I am distracted for even a moment and my wife wanders off.”
To keep the End of Days beginning due to a spousal dispute, I snagged Lucifer’s drink and held it up. “This is for you. We were thirsty, so we went to get a drink, for we are independent women capable of raiding a coffee shop without help.”
The Devil accepted the bribe. “I bribed the location of several good fishing holes out of store employees and some enthusiasts who happened to be loitering around. I also got us some lounge chairs so we can best enjoy ourselves. Upon evaluation, if we leave now, we can fish for two days before the group catches up with us.”
“What type of horses will we be masquerading as?” Darlene asked.
“Either a Brumby, Australian Stock, or Waler. While I rather like the Brumby, they’re often viewed as pests, so we’ll probably go as Walers. The Walers are an interesting breed with good stamina. Walers can’t keep up with Icy, but I’m sure Nadine can concoct a fib or two to mask our identity for a while.”
“I’ll just say I hired a practitioner.” I shrugged. “That seems reasonable.”
“It is. Now, as I do enjoy making people ask questions, I shall teleport you ladies to our first fishing spot, so you can enjoy your beverages at the water. I’ll also make certain the local wildlife understands we’re off limits.”
“I thought the cream did that,” I said.
“I meant the Australians. It’s a popular enough fishing spot among enthusiasts, and as I’m a selfish being, I don’t want to share.”
I should have known. I got up and disposed of the carry tray in the appropriate bin before returning to my seat. “All right. I’m ready. And don’t forget Icy.”
“She can follow. She can teleport.”
I narrowed my eyes and glared at the Devil. “Don’t forget Icy.”
“Babe, she’s flirting with me again,” Lucifer complained.
“A mortal telling you what to do is not flirting,” Darlene replied. “You’ve lost this, so don’t forget Icy, and try not to be a wrecking ball with your teleportation this time. Finesse is a good thing.”
“I’m surrounded by dictators,” Lucifer muttered.
With a sly smile, the succubus said, “I’ll show you what it’s like to be conquered by a dictator later.”
“And on that happy note, just don’t forget Icy. And keep your conquering to yourselves, please.”
Judging from their snickers, my request would be ignored.
SIXTEEN
What a pity. I have to sit here and watch a pretty woman catch a fish.
