Page 38 of Plaidypus
“Excellent. Run free, little filly. I’ll tell your father you’re game to be wined and dined by eligible bachelors, assuming they can make a respectable cup of hot chocolate. And if they don’t know how to make hot chocolate, I expect your father will do his best to teach them. I foresee disaster.”
I foresaw disaster, too, but I’d have a good time observing which men put in the most effort to make a proper cup of hot chocolate. “Good effortdoescount for something, even if he fails at making a good cup of hot chocolate.”
“You’re being particularly gracious. Why?”
“It’s rude to laugh at men who can’t handle making hot chocolate, and if they’re willing to humiliate themselves for a chance at a date, it only costs me a few hours and some aggravation. Anyway, my platypus and wolf have an equal say in the eligibility of the men. I’m just letting you prance men in front of me so they can get an idea of what they like.”
“We’ll try to limit their humiliation through giving them lessons on how to make hot chocolatebeforemeeting you, and if they scoff at kitchen work, well, they’re not good enough for my little girl, now are they?”
“Be kind with any rejections,” I replied.
“I can do that much. Love you, drive carefully, and remember, you can only fit so much into the car.”
I laughed. “I’ll be careful. Love you, too.”
Hanging up, I plugged the phone into the car and set the navigation system to get me back to the dealership, where I would drop off the first of my treasures and begin my adventure in earnest.
ELEVEN
Ah, Canadians. So polite, always.
With a little help from the CDC lady, I checked into a posh hotel so I could enjoy some luxury. After consulting with her boss and checking my blood pressure to determine it was still lower than preferred, they paid for the room, claiming it was a part of my medical care. The medical care portion came with a doctor, who used a fancy scanner to check my virus levels.
My virus appeared to be struggling and needed some rest and relaxation.
Poor wolf. She’d worked so hard to help my brother, and there was little I could do for her beyond lounge around, eat everything in sight, and cater to her interests.
To my delight, she enjoyed browsing through albums of baby animals, landscapes, and flowers. My platypus didn’t mind the photo tour around the Earth and its many wonders, although I got the sense she would rather be enjoying a bath. In an effort to appease the CDC, I ordered everything they had suggested before adding half the dessert menu to my order. Within an hour, the hotel delivered a feast, which they set up on the table within the spacious suite’s dining room.
Once I tipped the staff and they left, I rubbed my hands together, debating where to start. Before I could dig in, someone knocked at the door. Sighing over the interruption, I went to check the peep hole.
As it wasn’t every day an incubus, in the guise of a pale-skinned man in a suit with wings and tail, paid me a visit, I opened the door, my eyes wide. “How can I help you?”
“Ah, Canadians. So polite, always.” The incubus held out an envelope. “Please read this before we continue.”
Puzzled, I took the envelope, opened it, and read the note, which was on CDC letterhead and stated the gentleman had a legitimate reason to talk with me. I even recognized the signature on the bottom of the sheet, as I’d had to deal with paperwork at the dealership and paid attention to the authorization forms used to purchase vehicles on my behalf. “I just had dinner delivered,” I admitted, but as the note seemed legitimate, and I wanted to know what an incubus wanted with me, I let him in.
“Don’t feel any need to be polite. Eat your dinner. I can talk while you feed your virus. I was notified there are concerns about your virus levels. While securing that letter, I may have offered to handle that matter.”
“Incubi can help virus levels?” I blurted.
“I’m not quite an incubus,” my unexpected guest admitted, stepping into the room. “Call me Lucy. I’m here because a devil made a bargain involving you, and he didn’t appreciate the terms of the bargain, so he handed the bargain over to me. The bargain needs to be fulfilled, because that is the nature of bargains, but the devil in question did a most excellent job of leaving himself a great deal of wiggle room. The individual who struck the bargain chose poorly.”
If my eyes widened much further, they would run a high risk of making a break for it. “Pardon, but did you just say someone made a bargain with a devil? Overme?”
Lucy chuckled, nodded, and gestured in the direction of the dining room table. “Go sit and eat, please. Your virus needs the food, as does your other animal. I’ve been waiting for you to show up for a long time, so I was quite pleased to take this case over.”
“You’re a devil, then.”
“No, Nadine. I’mtheDevil.”
I blinked. “And you go byLucy?”
“It beats ‘you fucking asshole’, ‘jackass’, and ‘dimwitted, sexless slut’. My wife flung all of those at me about an hour ago, as she was in the room when the devil who struck the bargain came in to report. I made a show about thinking the problem over without just directly accepting responsibility for handling the bargain. My little kitty gets very upset when she finds out one of my devils was asked to commit an act of utter evil.”
To buy myself time, I sat at the table. As dealing with the Devil went above and beyond anything else I’d handled before, I searched through the dishes until I found the brownie and ice cream I’d ordered. Armed with a spoon, I went to work vanquishing my foe. I’d dealt with my brother as a vampire.
I could handle the Devil.
