Page 52 of Prayer of the Damned
Did Libretto furnish the room for me? No, that’s ridiculous… right? I close the cabinet and I’m stunned at the figure staring back at me.Oh my God!
I squash my face and stretch it again and again, because there’s no way the image in the mirror is me. My eyes are white as snow, and when I blink my two pupils expand and shrink in an unnatural way. My face is full, my cheekbones are high, and my skin is flushed and alive as it never was, not even when I still had breath. My lips are plump, and I touch them with my fingers. They’re soft and full like I just got lip fillers.
I look at my body, peeling off my clothes one item after another to reveal a feminine body in all its glory. My breasts are full, and I thank God I wore an undershirt and not a bra. The small size wouldn’t have supported my breasts, which would look just right on an ‘80s porn star. A flat stomach and full curves lead to a triangle of pubic hair I’m afraid to touch, because it doesn’t look like it’s mine.
I run to the tub and shut off the water before it overflows. Good God, what’s going on here? What’s happening to me?
I gradually slide into the hot water, breathing out slowly, letting my skin get used to the heat. My development has reached its peak, and my body will stay this way, frozen in time. But unlike other demons, my body still retains heat. I slide on my back and fully submerge myself in the water, rising back up and letting out a full-throated scream that feels like I’ve been holding it in my whole life.
“Why me?” I whisper into the water, as though it holds all the answers to my existential questions. This is completely insane. It’s all just one big bout of madness.
I start soaping up my body, getting to know it anew. It feels wrong, invasive, like I’m touching another woman. My skin is soft beneath the water, combined with the scented soap, and I become addicted to its touch. I clean every inch of skin and hair, rubbing it harder and harder as though I can scrub down to my old body if I do it enough. But it’s pointless, I’m stuck with this amazing and alien body.
Libretto called me ‘beloved’. He referred to me as Lilith, and I wonder if this body belongs to her. They were surprised to see that she hadn’t awakened… Would she have robbed me of my identity, my very being? I dive into the water again and let the air out of my lungs. I don’t even need breath to exist here, the breaths I take are just for show.
I step out of the tub. If I want the answers to everything that’s been hidden from me, I need to hurry up and get ready for dinner. I don’t need to wonder about the menu. The thought of blood doesn’t drive me wild anymore, for which I’m grateful. Control of this new body belongs to me.
I wrap a towel around me, head into the bedroom and approach the carved wooden closet. All it holds are evening dresses that seem uncomfortable and impractical. I run my hands over one dress after another – rhinestones, lace, tulle, other expensive fabrics – and I choose the simplest one, a white silk dress. Its shoulders are slim and it reaches past my knees. The fabric is pleasant to the touch, and only now do I realize how suffocated I felt in my previous clothes, which no longer fit my new proportions.
I towel-dry my hair and comb it using a brush I’d found, deciding to settle for that and not touch anything else. I don’t want to feel indebted to Libretto, or make him think I’m settling into this strange room. I don’t even bother to put on shoes.
There’s a knock on the heavy door. I run to it, and I’m surprised to see Libretto there. Ms. Tightpants said she’d escort me, but I guess things are changing fast here, and I’d better keep up before they make the mistake of thinking they can control me.
“Good evening, beloved,” Libretto smiles, reaching out a hand. He glances at my body and stifles a laugh.
What’s his problem?I ignore his outstretched hand and leave the room. He leads me down the corridor until we reach an intimate lounge. A dining table for two stands in the center, with two goblets and a jug full of thick crimson fluid. The room is lit only by candlelight. If this were a date I’d think it was quite a romantic gesture, but I immediately remember who’s leading me in.
“So what’ve you got cooked for me?” I jab him, and he laughs in response.
“Only the best.” His voice is thick with pleasure, hinting that he’s aroused, and I immediately regret my comment. He pulls up a chair for me, pours the thick liquid into the two goblets and sits across from me. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he says as he looks me over.
“What?” I raise an eyebrow.
“I knew you wouldn’t wear any of the dresses I bought for you. You always preferred a white slip, like the angel you dreamt of being.”
I instinctively hide my body with my hands. I’m wearing a slip? Damn it.Way to go, Belle. I feel naked and exposed, and I want to bury myself in my shame. Libretto chuckles in response. Screw him.
He raises the wine goblet and takes long sips from it. I want to do the same, but when it reaches my nose I’m filled with disgust, and push it away from me.
“You don’t like it?” he asks in an intimidating tone. He seems upset, but also appears to be fighting his feelings.
I nod and give him a piercing stare. “Start spilling, buddy.”
He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. “Every soul that reincarnates in the lands of Adam takes human form. Every soul is unique in its own way, and the most special of those are marked. If they’re recruited to our side they become a demon, if they’re recruited to God’s army they become angels. You were born on the sixth of June, at 6 AM, the twilight hour.”
“Six-six-six? The Devil’s number?” I interject.
“Indeed, that number is tied to the Devil, to the End of Days. But it’s also tied to Good. This whole dialect is expressed in Lilith herself. She was created by God, but grew tired of him and her man, and sold her soul to the Devil. Lilith, the goddess of fertility and love, manifesting evil and devilry within her.” He pauses tosip from his wine goblet, and I try to follow the torrent of his words.
“But what does all that have to do with me?” I still don’t get it.
“Lilith obeys no one. Not her original creator, not the one she sold her soul to. They both fear her, and are drawn to her at the same time. The last time she walked the realms of Man, she nearly destroyed the entire world.”
“I don’t understand… isn’t she a demon?”
“No, she’s a winged demon. She’s neither good nor evil. She is all.”
“And you…?” I can’t finish the question that’s stuck in my throat.
