Page 80 of Drive Me Crazy
“I wanted to pour the tinnies into a pitcher,” he explains. “Like iced tea … but with beer.”
I head to the pantry to get a broom and pan rather than tell Theo that may be the single-handed stupidest thing I’ve heard in my entire life. Lucas takes over cleaning duties as I put the frozen pizza in the oven. Theo watches us from the counter, perched like some sort of handsome Australian gargoyle.
“Grabme one of those, mate?” He nods toward the beer on the opposite end of the kitchen. “Please and thank you.”
I toss a can over and sip my whiskey. The ice cube is starting to melt, but I need the liquor to numb the ache that’s sitting in my chest.
“We’ve been texting you all week, by the way,” Lucas says as he empties the glass-filled pan into the garbage. “You’ve just continually ignored us.”
“Maybe my phone died.” I shrug. My phone’s fully charged just in case Ella needs me or wants to talk. Neither has happened so far but wishful thinking and all that.
“Bullshit,” Theo chides, calling me out on my fib. “Doesn’t matter. We’re here anyway.”
I don’t answer. I’m not sure why they’re here. It’s not like they can do anything to help the situation. They’re good friends—I’m lucky to have them, I know that—but right now I don’t want to talk about anything. Especially the one thing they’re here to talk about.
As if on cue, Theo says, “Have you spoken to Ella? Since … you know?”
“Since I revealed the fact that she was sexually harassed and assaulted on live television?” I snap before taking another sip of my drink. “For some weird reason, she doesn’t particularly want to talk to me.”
I run my hand through my hair. Ella’s everywhere and everything. I feel the ghost of her lips on my neck, the echo of her laugh in my bedroom. I can’t sleep without her warm body pressed against mine, but I don’t want to be awake when I’m forced to think of all the hurt I’ve caused her.
“Don’t bite my head off, mate.” Theo holds his hands up in surrender. “I was trying to be nice about it.”
“I told him to chill with the questions until you’re at least a few drinks deep.” Lucas chuckles with a guilty shrug. “God forbid he listens to me.”
“Beinga parent is tough,” I add with a small smile. “Especially with a child as disruptive as Theo.”
“I’m right here, you know.” Our adult kid pouts dramatically. “And I’m just trying to help.”
Lucas leans against the counter. “So is that why you asked us about Connor? Because you knew?”
“No.” I shake my head. “She didn’t tell me about the assault until we were dating. I just knew how he treated her.”
Theo mumbles under his breath. “No wonder you almost hit Lucas when he said he’d met him before.”
“Sorry about that,” Lucas mutters. “I didn’t know he was actually a piece of shit.”
The two of them talk amongst themselves as we wait for the pizza to heat up. I’m zoning in and out of the conversation, but my ears perk up when Theo tells Lucas he went to a spin class with Josie the other morning.
“Did you ask about Ella?” I interrupt. The hopeful tone of my voice is pathetic, but I’ll take any scrap I can get. “How she’s doing?”
“You really think Josie told me anything?” Theo slowly raises an eyebrow. “I tried asking, but her lips are sealed, mate. Also kind of hard to chat during a class when a bike seat is crushing your balls.”
His answer doesn’t surprise me. Josie’s barely said a word to me since the interview except when absolutely necessary for work purposes.
“More importantly,” Theo continues. “How are you doing?”
The oven beeps and I quickly take out the pizza, grateful for the excuse to not have to answer his question. How am I doing? I feel like life is moving on in vibrant color, but I’m frozen in place surrounded by grays and browns.
We head to the kitchen table, everyone grabbing a slice of pizza. I eat despite the fact that I’m not hungry. I can tell myfriends are worried enough given the furtive glances they keep giving one another. Subtlety has never been Theo’s strong suit, and Lucas doesn’t bother hiding his concern. It’s like everyone’s waiting for a repeat performance of last year’s break-down. They have no reason to worry; I can barely get out of bed, let alone want to.
“What’s your game plan?” Lucas finally asks. “Are you still going to Chicago for Thanksgiving?”
I start to shake my head but hesitate. “I don’t know.” If she doesn’t want to speak with me on the phone, I doubt she’s going to want to see me in person.
“So you’re just going to do nothing?” Theo rests his elbows on the table, staring me down. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I don’t feel like I’m in a position tonotdo what Ella asks of me.”
