Page 81 of Drive Me Crazy
“But she’s your better half,” he argues in a loud voice. “Or whatever.”
She’s not my better half, she’s my whole fucking heart.
I take my phone out of my pocket to press ignore on an incoming call, but the name flashing across the screen makes me pause. I step outside to answer. My friends are staring at me with wide eyes and curious expressions when I come back in. Theo wastes no time in asking questions.Who was it? Do I know them? Why’d you have to talk to them outside?I sink into my seat before a shadow of my old grin appears.
“It was my lawyer.” I blink slowly, still in shock. “The deal’s going to go through.”
The seven-month legal battle I’ve been in has remained at a standstill for weeks. To be honest, I’d almost all but given up hope. Now I’m damn glad I didn’t.
“Good on you, mate!” Theo drums his hands against the table in excitement. “Looks like that shitstorm of an interview was good for one thing.”
So much for him trying to be nice about it.
“Didthey finalize it because of that?” Lucas lets out a low whistle. “Holy shit, man.”
Theo grabs another piece of pizza. “So is it yours? Is it hers? Give us the details, Blakey Blake.”
An idea starts forming in my mind. It’s borderline crazy, but it might be crazy enough to work. I outline what I’m thinking to my friends and it’s the longest Theo’s ever stayed quiet in a conversation. Three phone calls, two beers, and one hour later, it’s decided. I’m headed to New York City after the next Grand Prix.
THIRTY-SIX
Ella
MY PHONE’S been buzzing constantly ever since Blake’s bombshell of an interview. Reporters asking for an exclusive interview, old colleagues apologizing for not speaking up, friends saying they’re here to talk, faceless people on social media either calling me a liar or praising me. It’s too much. All of it. The only person whose call I’ll answer right now is Cindy’s. Today’s our second session since I flew back to Chicago. We’ve been doing video calls because “body language reveals a lot.” So far all I’ve done during our appointments is talk a little and cry a lot. The more I talk about it, the easier it gets, so I’m trying my best.
“How do you feel today?” Cindy asks me. Her blond hair looks unusually dull through my computer screen.
“Tired,” I admit haggardly. “Really fucking tired.”
“Tired because you’re not sleeping well or tired of something?”
“Both, I guess.” The timeliness of my yawn couldn’t be better. “I’m also pissed, mad, sad, and pretty much every emotion under the sun. It’s like I’m completely numb, but also feeling way too much at the same time.”
“You’regoing through a lot, Ella,” she says kindly. “There’s no right way to respond, and your body is in overdrive trying to process everything.”
That’s for fucking sure.
“Okay, well, how do I get it to stop doing that?”
“We may be able to send people into outer space, but science isn’t that advanced yet, unfortunately.” Her cheeks push her glasses up on her nose when she smiles. “If you had to pick your primary emotion right now, what would it be?”
I take a minute to think about it. “Mad.”
“Why mad?”
It’s a simple question with a complex answer. TheJeopardycountdown sound plays in my head as I piece together my thoughts.
“All I’ve wanted was for Connor to be held responsible for his actions, but when that didn’t happen, I just wanted to disassociate from the entire thing,” I admit. “I didn’t want anyone knowing because if they did, I’d have to think about it and talk about it, but nothing would change. Now that people are realizing he’s a shitty person, I’m … I don’t even know. Pissed they found out what happened, but happy that they finally know. It feels contradictory.”
“When you were assaulted, it consumed you. You were up in arms, ready to burn PlayMedia down. You werereadyfor everything that may happen.”
“Yeah.” I rest my chin in my hands. “I guess so.”
“You weren’t ready for this,” she reminds me gently. “You went to a talk show to support your boyfriend and left having your personal life revealed to a lot of people. You didn’t have any control in that situation.”
“So you think it’s a control thing?”
“I think that’s part of it.” She nods. “Not having control is how this all came into the public eye … it’s understandable why you’re mad. It’s hard to make your story your own whensomeone else tells it. You also felt like you were finally in control over your life, and Blake threw a wrench in that.”
