Page 24 of Come As You Are
“But…”
He sighed. “What you did was amazing. It didn’t feel like that when Brian did it to me, and I don’t think I did it right to him because he didn’t come.”
“Maybe he was being polite.”
Vee snuggled against my chest. “Maybe.”
I heard the wistful tone in his voice, and it spoke to me. For the first time in my life, I was more interested in learning more about a guy than getting off.
“Did you like this guy?” I asked. “Brian?”
Vee shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling against my chest. “I suppose. His family came up to Twin Falls every summer. They’d rent out a house on the farm next to ours, and we met when we were fishing. He was a couple of years older than me, lived in Los Angles. He’d already been with a couple of guys by the time we met when I was thirteen.” Another shrug. “I was pretty sure I was gay, and I was definitely attracted to him, so we fooled around. The first summer, we didn’t do much more than jerk each other off and kiss. We kept in touch, texted and stuff, and the next summer we went all the way.”
Thank fuck, the voice in my head said, and I told it to shut up. Vee was a consenting adult, so even if he’d been a complete virgin, I hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, I felt better knowinghe’d been with other guys even if it was pretty obvious his experience was minimal.
“Did your parents ever find out?”
A third shrug. “No. Brian stopped coming up with his folks when he went to college, but he’d broken up with me at the end of that second summer, said he had a real boyfriend back home.”
“That’s pretty shitty.”
“It was.”
Vee curled in on himself, and I felt an unfamiliar need to ease his distress. “Not every guy is going to be a jerk,” I said, and Vee rolled over to face me.
“Will you be one?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to make a joke, to brush off his concerns and make some half-assed promise, but I couldn’t do it. The memory of Vee in my arms, of holding him with Olivia as he fell apart, was still vivid.
“I will do my best not to be,” I said. “I don’t have the best track record…”
Vee started to turn away, but I stopped him, raised my hand to his chin and made him look at me. “I don’t have the best track record, but something about you makes me want to try to do better.”
The stunning blue eyes staring at me widened, and then a faint smile lifted the corners of Vee’s mouth. “Thank you,” he said.
Vee
Sebastian continued to holdme as he dozed off. I, on the other hand, remained awake, mortified that I’d climaxed almost as soon as he touched me like some horny teenager and then confessed that I was practically a virgin. Trying to reassure myself that he hadn’t kicked me out of his bed did little to dispel my worry that my lack of experience had turned him off and I’d never get another chance to be with him. The thoughts spun through my head without relief even as I tried to remind myself of the promise Sebastian had made before he fell asleep.
I definitely wanted him and had since the moment I’d walked into Illyria, but another thing occurred to me as I lay in Sebastian’s bed. I remembered being held between both him and Olivia after I’d confessed to working for Orsino and fallen apart. Their combined presence had calmed me, grounded me, made me feel safe and protected, cherished even, and I missedOlivia. Even as I began to relax in Sebastian’s embrace, I felt as if something—or someone—was absent. I might not have been a genius, but it was obvious why I felt that way.
It hadn’t escaped my notice in the weeks I’d been at Illyria that Sebastian was hopelessly in love with Olivia. He tried to hide it, but I saw a lot from my dance platform, and I couldn’t count the number of times I’d seen him gazing up at the window of her office while he mixed drinks, his expression full of longing. Whenever she came into the club, his attention was riveted to her, and when we had entered her office this morning, his nervous energy wasn’t solely caused by how she would react and concern for my future.
And then there was the moment on Olivia’s couch when the two of them were holding me. I felt it when they touched. It might have been accidental—a brush of hands because of our proximity—but it was electric all the same, a jolt that arced between the three of us. It hadn’t only been about Sebastian and Olivia, but all three of us. More than anything, more than Olivia’s words or Sebastian’s solidness, that was what had calmed me and the moment in which I knew everything would be all right.
With that thought lingering in my mind, I finally dozed off.
We were woken thenext morning by someone pounding on the front door. Sebastian grumbled, but got out of bed and grabbed a pair of sweats from the floor.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he said as he put them on and left the room, yelling for whoever was continuing to knock that he was coming.
As soon as he opened the door, I heard Maria’s voice along with someone else’s I didn’t recognize. At first, I wondered what they were doing at Sebastian’s so early, but then I realized it was full daylight outside, so it had to have been at least ten. I couldn’t confirm that because my phone was still charging in my room, and I had no idea where Sebastian’s was. As my sleep-dulled brain slowly came online, I realized the bigger issues for me were clothing and getting out of Sebastian’s room without being seen.
My clothes from the previous day were on the floor, and I was able to snag my jeans without getting out of the bed. I dragged them under the covers and was all set to shimmy into them when I heard Maria announce she needed to use the bathroom. Before I could think what to do, she was passing by the open doorway to Sebastian’s room. I froze and thought she hadn’t seen me, but then she backed up and cocked her head to the side as she took me in.
“Fast work,” she said, her tone of voice somewhat icy, and then she called out for Sebastian.
He appeared in the doorway as well, still shirtless, the gray sweats slung low enough on his hips, I could see the twin V-grooves on his lower abdomen. In spite of myself, I blushed.
