Page 71 of For You I'd Mend
“Exactly,” he said.
Like someone admitting to double-dipping at a party because otherwise the chip to dip ratio was off. Like hurting himself was no big deal and might even make sense if you stopped to think about it.
“That’s messed up, Theo,” I said, my voice breaking. I dropped his hands and wrapped my arms around my stomach.
“Come here,kardoulamou,” he said, pulling me close. “I wanted to tell you before you saw the scars.”
“So, you haven’t done it in a while then,” I said.
He tensed.
“Just tell me, Theo,” I said, lifting my face from his shirt.
“I hadn’t in a while. But the other night—”
I nodded. After we had sex. He couldn’t wait to get me out of his bed, out of his house, so he could punish himself for being with me.
I sucked in a deep breath, straightened my spine, and gently pulled away from him. “If you ever do that again, we’re finished. I won’t be the reason you hurt yourself. It makes me sick to think I already was.”
Harsh? Yes, but as much as I wanted Theo, I drew a hard line at being an excuse for him to self-harm. I had no problem being an ice-cold bitch if it prevented Theo from hurting himself.
“I’m so sorry,kardoula mou,” he said, pulling me to his chest again. His heart pounded against my ear, strong and fast. “I’d understand if you want to take some time to think.”
“What does that really mean? I google translated Poppy or poppies, and it didn’t sound anything like it.” Because of course I googled it the second I left his apartment that day. Even with all the extra vowels, the word still began with apsound.
“It’s just something my mom used to call me,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“Do you know what it means?” I asked, looking up at him.
He nodded.
“But you’re not going to tell me?”
“What do you think it means?”
“Pain in my ass?”
He flashed me another smile. “I promise. It doesn’t mean that.”
“Well, then I guess I can go to dinner with you.”
“You’re sure?” he asked, looking equally hopeful and terrified.
“I am if you are.”
“Great,” he said, standing and lifting me with him. He set me down gently and pulled something from his pocket. “I shouldprobably wait to give you this until after Cal gives Rowan his Valentine’s gift, or at least until I have a chain, but I’d love for you to wear it tonight, if you can.”
He handed me something small and shiny. I brought my palm closer to my face and gasped. It was a delicate silver flower. The petals curled around a small heart nestled on a bed of stamen where the pistil would have been. “It’s a poppy,” I said.
“There’s a loop on the back of one of the petals where you can thread a chain through.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” I said, holding it closer to admire the intricate details on each petal. “Where’d you find it?”
“I made it,” he said with obvious pride. It’s something I loved about Theo. Art was the only area of his life where he allowed himself to feel accomplished.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, rising on my toes to kiss his cheek.
“If Rowan asks, tell her I found it on Etsy. I don’t want to ruin Cal’s gift.”
