Page 75 of The Best Friend Problem
“You don’t want this.”
The hand on her hip tensed. “Don’t tell me what I want. I want you. I want to wake up by your side and fall asleep with you in my arms.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I want to see your lists and charts spread all over the kitchen table and argue with you about whether our favorite holiday drink is pronounced wass-ale or wass-el.”
The small laugh that left her lips sounded suspiciously like a sob. “It’s wass-ale.”
“Wass-el.” He grinned, tipping his head to brush a soft kiss against her lips. “I want to wake up to screaming babies at two in the morning and change smelly diapers and worry about how we’re going to afford the kids’ college when we still have our own student loan debt. I want it all, Pru. Because when you love someone you don’t just want the fun times. You want everything. The good and the bad.”
She wanted to believe him, so badly. But he’d sprung this on her, and she didn’t know what she was feeling, what she was thinking. Sure, she’d admit to some starry-eyed fantasies lately about the possibility of something more, but she had no idea if they were something she really wanted or just a symptom of pregnancy. This was all so complicated.
“Finn, I…”
He pulled her into him, hands going around her back. She wrapped her arms around him, taking strength from his hug even as her mind screamed in terror at the decision she had to make. Take a chance on love and possibly lose her best friend, or try to push things back to the way they were and always wonder what could have been?
“This is ridiculous. We shouldn’t make important decisions during such an emotional time.”
His body tensed against hers. A small whimper escaped as he pulled away, his warmth and comfort leaving her feeling cold, worried. Pale blue eyes, filled with pain and sadness, stared at her.
His jaw clenched as he shook his head. “You can’t ration out feelings, Pru. It doesn’t work like that.” He ran a hand over his head, blowing out a frustrated breath. “I think the real problem here is that you’re afraid.”
Duh! She was going to be a mom. Every new parent was afraid. It was written in the parent handbook.
“You’re afraid of love.”
What? All she wanted in life was someone to love. It was the exact reason she’d started this journey into motherhood in the first place. She shook her head, denying his words and the tiny spark of fearful truth they ignited deep in her soul.
He ignored her protest and pushed on. “You take care of everyone—your roommates, me, Bruiser. You give all your heart and love to everyone, but you are so damn afraid to take any love for yourself. And I don’t get it.” He took a step, cupping her face in his hands, staring deeply into her eyes. “You, more than anyone I know, are so deserving of love, Prudence. But you’re also so afraid to take it when it’s offered. And I can’t force you to take mine. Even if I rip my damn heart out and offer it to you.”
With a sad sigh that pierced her chest like a physical blow, he dropped his hands and turned toward the door.
“Finn?”
He paused, his back to her. She cleared her throat, trying to keep her wobbly voice steady as tears gathered in her eyes. She wanted to crest this mountain of fear. To tell him she loved him, to forget all her anxiety and rationality and agree to spend the rest of her life loving him, but she didn’t know how. How did one overcome a lifetime of loss and insecurity? How did people allow themselves to be loved?
“Are…are we…?”
His head turned, face glancing at her over his shoulder. A hopeful light brightening his eyes.
“You’re still my friend, right?”
The hopeful light died, the brilliant blue fading to a dark, miserable gray.
“I promised to be your friend, and I will. No matter what happens. You have my friendship forever.” He turned away from her again, the soft, defeated words leaving his lips as he opened the door. “But I…I can’t do us anymore, Pru. Not when you won’t admit what we really are. It hurts too damn much.”
Pru sucked in a sharp breath at his words as he headed out of the room. She felt like all the air had been pulled from her lungs. Pain that had nothing to do with any physical ailment assaulted her. She could feel Finn’s misery as surely as if it were her own. And maybe it was. She was such an emotional mess right now that she didn’t know what to think.
Knowing the urgent care was busy and they’d already stayed too long in the exam room, Pru waited thirty seconds then followed Finn out. Thankfully, he was gone by the time she entered the waiting area. Lilly and Mo sat in the small room, speaking in hushed whispers. At her arrival, they both immediately rose and rushed to her side.
“Sweetie, is everything okay?” Lilly asked, eyes full of concern.
Mo’s hand went to her stomach. “Are the babies—”
“The babies are fine.” She tried to dredge up a smile for her friends but found she had none. “Everything is fine.”
Lilly used one finger to push her glasses up her nose. “Really? Then why did Finn just walk out of here like a kid who’s been told Santa doesn’t exist?”
Something warm and wet rolled down her cheeks. Mo grabbed a tissue from her purse, dabbing at Pru’s eyes.
“Oh, honey. What is it?”
