Page 22 of Kiss Marry Kill
“I loved my yard. It brought me peace. It was the one thing that I enjoyed doing just for me, without anyone around to film me or critique. Everything I do is always under a microscope and involves a crew of people,” she said, her shoulder sagging low and her lips turned down.
She needed space from him, from the disarray around her house, from all the feelings she had when she was around him. “I have a meeting. I’ll be in my office.”
* * *
Jax couldn’t remember when he’d felt like a bigger asshole. Obviously, he hadn’t torn down her yard with the intent to hurt her or piss her off. But hurting her was exactly what he’d accomplished. This was not the way he’d treat a normal client, acting without consulting with them. But nothing with Megan was normal.
She was Megan.
His Megan.
At least that’s how it felt at one time. And thinking of all the shit that Ryan could’ve done just made him go overboard. Where Megan was concerned, he wasn’t thinking clearly.
Standing outside next to Joey, he looked around the barren yard.
“Well, there definitely won’t be any place to hide now.” Joey teased.
“Fuck you, very much.”
“She’ll come around, don’t worry about it.” Joey said, patting him on the back, hard. “She’s pretty fucking famous, you know? How did we not know she was famous?”
“When’s the last time you saw an MTV video?”
“Pretty sure that’s not a thing anymore, Irons.”
“Didn’t really have time to keep up with the top forty in the desert, did you?”
Leaning his arms on the veranda, Joey said, “You know I didn’t, brother.”
After a few quiet moments, Joey asked. “You never looked her up? Googled her?”
Jax reluctantly shook his head. “Didn’t really want to know,” he admitted. “Seeing her happily married with a family, or miserable as an attorney? Neither was anything I wanted to see. Even after I came back last year, I still couldn’t bring myself to look her up.”
“She’s pretty hot. I don’t remember her being that hot before.”
A deep guttural growl vibrated through Jax’s body and Joey laughed. “Relax, man. You should pick up where you guys left off.”
“I’m doing a job. She’s my client. Not gonna happen.”
“Who the fuck cares? She’s Megan.”
Exactly: She’s Megan. How could he not understand? Joey had been there with him when he moped around drinking and waxing poetic about Megan for months. At one point, the men in his squad held an intervention and ruled that the subject of Megan was prohibited.
Starting something back up with her . . . no, it couldn’t happen. First, she was his client and he couldn’t get distracted—not again. Last time he’d mixed business with pleasure he’d lost his entire team. He should have had his guard up and been ready for combat at any given moment. He had been in war, after all. And second, if it didn’t work out, he would be crushed. And not crushed like he had been years back when he lost his friends, but a not-able-to-breathe kind of despair. It wasn’t worth the pain.
Except deep down he knew she was worth it.
She was worth everything.
“I don’t want to lose focus on the objective. Maybe we should call Dawson, he’s the best security guy money can buy.” Dawson installed the most sophisticated security systems in the market but the prices were astronomical and the wait list was long. ICS only used him on special cases with very high-risk clients.
“Don’t do this to yourself, brother. This isn’t Iraq. The stalker isn’t an IED. What happened then wasn’t your fault and whatever happens now won’t be either. And you know everything we’re installing here is top-grade equipment. Dawson will go crazy and it’ll be weeks of construction, installing panic rooms and exit plans and whatever other Inspector Gadget shit he’s invented.”
“I’m not doing anything to myself, Jo. I’m just doing my job. I know this isn’t Iraq but the threat is real. That wacko was here, man. Not just in her house, in her goddamn room. She had a fucking butcher knife in her hand. What the hell was she going to do? He could’ve killed her.” Jax paused. “We were all sitting around laughing and drinking when our entire goddamn unit was blown up. We should’ve been fucking vigilant. Luis, Estevez . . .” He shook his head thinking about his men. “I think about that moment all the fucking time. They’re gone and we’re here. Wives lost husbands. Kids lost fathers. It fucking hurts.” He pressed his fingers against his chest. “Their friendship got in the way. We got too comfortable. We lost sight of why we were there. And I’m not going to risk her safety because I want to get my dick wet.”
He cringed at his own crude words. But he needed Joey to understand that this was work. He’d made the decision about the trees because the fucking lawn was a hazard and impossible to keep safe. Not because Megan was already twisting him into knots or clouding his judgment.
“You’re implying I dropped the ball too, Jax. We were all friends. And I know you know that it’s not my fault.” It’s true. He didn’t blame Joey. Yet he couldn’t stop blaming himself. “Who do you think you’re talking to? She’s not just some chick to you. You know it and I know it. But if that’s the kind of asshole shit you need to say to yourself to make you feel better, go ahead. I’m just saying you don’t have to keep her at arm’s length. You can have a relationship with her and keep her safe. But if you feel that strongly about it, then get someone else from the team to detail her and that way you can be with her.” They were both looking out to the yard but that statement made Jax stand up straighter and grip the banister he’d been leaning against. Right now, he hated that Joey knew him so well. It was hard to lie to himself when his brother was laying it down for him.
