Page 23 of Kiss Marry Kill
“No. It’s gotta be me. I keep her safe.” He felt the vibration from his voice from deep in his chest. His decision was final. He wasn’t going to let anyone protect his woman. And yes, he might not ever admit it out loud, but she was his. She’d always been his, and after they parted ways, she would still be his. And there was no way in fucking hell he’d let anyone hurt what was his.
Joey rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You have a hard fucking head, man. I have to go. Got a new client coming in.”
“Keep me posted,” Jax said, not looking at his friend. He was lost in his thoughts.
Someone else protecting Megan? Fuck no.
He’d sacrifice a possible relationship with her if it meant he was the one keeping her safe. He would never be able to sleep at night knowing someone was doing a half-assed job.
“Will do. And try to keep the heavy machinery rental at a minimum while I’m gone,” Joey yelled over his shoulder. Jax didn’t bother to turn around when he gave Joey the finger.
Chapter 5
PRESENT DAY
When Megan finally emerged from her office four hours later, she looked calmer, but Jax couldn’t gauge her mood.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.” Jax shrugged, meeting her eyes from the chair he’d placed strategically in sight of her office door.
He’d spent the last hours warring with himself. Should he go apologize? Should he give her some space? Personally, when he was upset, he needed space to think things through, so he decided to go that route with her. Space.
But shit, it was hard not to go comfort her, explain himself, apologize. . . .
Especially since this Megan was so different from the one from years back. She was more confident and feisty now, even though today she’d looked like she was fighting back tears, as if the damn yard had been more devastating than the break-in. Obviously he’d fucked up, not realizing how much the landscaping had meant to her. Now she just looked . . . closed off.
When Megan didn’t say anything, he nodded towards the kitchen. “I saved you a sandwich, you must be hungry.”
“I am. Thanks.” Her voice was cool and polite, completely distant. And in that second, Jax wished he was facing the angry, passionate Megan from the yard. Yelling was better than the tense silence as she walked past him to the kitchen.
He followed her in, and her somber expression when she looked through the window over the sink at the barren front yard gutted him. If he could kick his own ass, he would.
The Marines had taught him a lot. One thing it taught him was how to be a man, how to put his feelings on lockdown and power through any situation. What it had not taught him was how to deal with a sad woman. This was a skill set he hadn’t acquired.
“I sent the crew home while the installers finish the cabling for the security system outside,” he said awkwardly. He pulled the chair out for her and then went around the table to sit too, sliding the sandwich toward her.
“Thanks for the sandwich.”
Fuck.
He wanted to yell.
He wanted her to yell.
Instead he took a deep calming breath and slid his chair over next to her and turned her chair to face him. He needed eye contact. He needed her to look at him when he spoke as confirmation that she was listening and processing, and also so he could gauge her mood. “Megan? I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t think. I feel like an asshole. I was so focused on my mission that I lost sight of things.”
With downturned lips, but without tears—thank God—she spoke softly. “I’m not a mission, Jax. I’m a person, and once this is all over, I have to come back home and live my life—and in my life, there’s a lot of gardening. My life is hectic and loud and gardening helps me relax so that I can have a clear head when I write my music.” She let out a puff of air. “I guess I understand why you did it, but now when I look outside all I’ll see is that I’m scared and that this stalker guy can be out there watching me.”
“I asked the guys to save as many trees as possible and the ones that were salvageable are all being stored at a nursery. Some were already cut, destroyed, and thrown into the eighteen wheeler before you got here, though. As soon as this is all over, I’ll call the crew back and make sure you have all your plants and trees back exactly the way they were. I’ll even plant them myself if it makes you feel better.”
Jax was desperate for her to understand. Desperate to make it better. And for a few tense seconds after his frantic explanation, he was sure it wouldn’t make a difference.
With a long sigh, Megan’s posture eased, just a little.
It was one thing for her to be scared or even angry at the situation she was in with the stalker, but another thing altogether that Jax’s stupid overprotectiveness was the cause of her anger, or worse . . . her sadness. He couldn’t deal with that. He needed her to trust him. Forgive him. Know that it all came from a good place.
“I know. It’s just . . . I’m not used to anyone just coming in and taking over. My life may seem chaotic, but when I’m home, it’s sane and orderly and I’ve made it to where I know exactly what I want and how I want it. Like my gardening, for example. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but it does to me. It unclutters my mind. You swooping in and not only destroying my yard but making decisions on my behalf, without even so much as talking it through first, it’s a very big deal for me. At it’s core, it’s the reason I’m always arguing with my parents.”
Jax remembered all about her controlling parents. Hell, he’d witnessed it firsthand the other day when he’d had the misfortune of meeting Rose. He didn’t want to be lumped in with them.
