Page 71 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
‘We all could. But you’re better than most.’
He sighs loudly and I turn around to look at him again. ‘Why can’t we ever just be young and flirty together?’ He tilts his head, moving a piece of escaped hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear.
‘That’s Anika and Dante’s job,’ I reply. ‘We are obligated to maintain an air of misery and hopelessness.’
‘That seems bloody unfair.’
‘Can’t choose the cards we’re dealt.’ I shrug my shoulders. ‘I’m afraid we’re stuck with it.’
‘I reject that. I’m going to be so fun you won’t even remember how to brood.’
My eyes go wide and I inhale with a smirk. ‘Impossible. I’ve been brooding since before I could walk.’
He takes my hands in his and squeezes them reassuringly, pausing a moment before the words rush out, eyes ablaze. ‘That first night back, you were lying in the grass. When I saw you, I couldn’t move. I had to look down at my hands to make sure there were ten fingers.’ My heart beats faster at his unprompted confession. ‘I still think I’ve dreamt you into my summer.’ I stare at him, breathless and surprised. ‘I keep waiting to wake up.’
‘Stay asleep.’ My eyelashes flutter, feeling flush from his words. ‘I’ll wake you up when summer’s over.’
A brief flash of an unknown emotion flickers over Theo’s face. ‘Deal,’ he says softly, his warm breath fanning over my face, causing me to shiver again.
‘Was that your version of fun and flirty?’ I ask teasingly, but my insides feel deliciously heavy from his words.
Hand relaxing in mine, Theo lazily grins. ‘Sorry, should I have said I’ve thought about fucking you since that little pink dress?’
‘Theo!’ I screech, covering his mouth without thinking. ‘You can’t say things like that in public.’
Dragging my hand to his mouth, his tongue traces the centre of my palm, and he moans into my hand. ‘And how much I want to see you come?’
‘Oh my god.’ My insides melt, stomach tensing with desire, and I drop my hand. Needing space from his carefree sex-talk. Who is this man? ‘You definitely can’t say that.’
‘No?’ he muses, smile devilish. ‘You don’t want me to make you come, Maggie?’
‘We’re going to get arrested if anyone hears you.’ But my voice trembles; there’s no conviction in my tone. Imagining how Theo would touch me leaves me frozen with need. If he asked, I’m certain I’d let him undress me in the middle of this aisle.
‘They can listen.’ He dips his head so that his lips brush mine and he gives me a light kiss. ‘I don’t mind.’
‘Can we go now?’ I say against his lips, feeling flushed and uncomfortable with how much I want him, unsure where to put all these feelings. ‘I think I need some air.’
He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my forehead. ‘Fine. Let’s go back to brooding.’
Theo drags me down the aisles back to the entrance, where the old woman still sits happy and toothless at the front desk. Theo salutes her and then opens the door for me, bowing as I pass him. Outside, the sun has started to set, casting the whole city in a golden hue. Theo holds my hand, my stomach flips, and I resist rolling my eyes at my own happiness.
He turns to face me, backlit by the dimming summer light. ‘I wasn’t going to come back here. Ever. But I felt something.’ He drags both our hands to the space underneath his heart, outlining the rib, pushing with emphasis. ‘I felt something here. Pulling me.’ He winks. I think I die again. ‘Maybe it was you. Tugging on that telephone wire.’
‘You remember that?’ Two tin cans held together by a string between our houses. Weaving between rose bushes and tall cypress trees dividing us. Looking back, we were obviously mimicking our mother’s kitchen phone calls, curious to see what it was like to talk aimlessly for hours, to speak through silences, breaths through the microphone.
‘It’s hard to forget anything about this place.’ We walk across the cobblestones together towards the beach. Theo’s fingers are still entwined with mine, swinging evenly with the pace of our footsteps. I mull over his words and can’t help but think he didn’t mean it as a good thing.
40
THEO
A fight has broken out on the beach. Anika and Dante dance demonically around Lucia and Maio, who are sitting rigidly on a picnic blanket with a bottle of white wine between them. They don’t even see Magdalen and me approach them, too busy shaking their shoulders and smoking to pay any attention to us. Lucia eventually spots us, and instantly her eyes go wide and pleading.
‘Ah, Theo!’ She crawls up to her knees and squeezes her hands together in prayer. ‘For the love of god, please get these two away from us. They’ve been dancing like this for twenty minutes.’
‘We’re blessing your marriage!’ Anika drops her head between her legs so that her hair drags in the sand and starts bouncing her knees sporadically. ‘This is an important marriage ritual to ensure peace and sexual gratification for both. Please let us do our thing!’
‘Dante,’ I call out, understanding why Anika would do this but surprised by his participation.
