Page 77 of I'll Look for You, Everywhere
This seems to get Theo’s attention. He casually turns his head to look at me and the moment our eyes lock, he looks away. ‘I’ll drop you home.’
‘No, no. Go hang out with...’ I begin, but realize I can’t exactly disclose that I know who she is. It seems remarkably funny to me how much one girl’s name could ruin my life.
‘Ah, Chiara!’ she beams and sticks out her hand to shake mine. ‘So nice to meet you, Mag.’
My heart sinks so low that I’m afraid I’ll step on it if I move.
‘You too. Your name is beautiful,’ I say, and her mouth splits in another soul-shattering grin.
‘Thank you!’ Her hand is warm and pleasant as she takes mine, guiding the handshake. I think about how cold and limp my hand is in hers and wonder if she notices it, too.
When our hands drop, I offer a small smile and go to take Theo’s shirt off my neck.
‘What are you doing?’ he asks, now completely turned to face me. Now you notice me, Theo? All it took was giving you the shirt off my back.
‘Giving you your shirt back.’ My voice is too cheery for the exchange of a shirt, but it’s the only way I can speak right now without crying. Better off being overly cheery than having a tantrum in front of the lovebirds.
‘I gave it to you.’
‘You can’t go out drinking shirtless. Think of the scandal.’ I hand him his shirt back and he looks at me harshly.
Don’t test me, he says silently.
Please let me go, I say back.
He doesn’t take it but lets my hand hang useless in the air between us.
‘It’s Alassio, Magdalen. I’ll be fine.’
Before I can answer, Chiara shrieks and the sound of her hand slapping against her forehead startles me. ‘Ah, Magdalen! I should have known. You’re Dante’s little sister, right? I didn’t realize! You’ve grown up so much!’
Theo stiffens noticeably and I can’t hide my confusion.
‘You know me?’
‘Certo. Dante told me all about you back in the day. My god, you turned out to be stunning.’
Despite the sadness, a faraway part of me is happily surprised that Dante has ever talked about me.
‘This makes so much sense now.’ She points at the two of us by way of explanation and I shrug.
‘Yes, Theo’s just doing his big brother due diligence.’ Patting him on the shoulder, I then place the shirt against his chest. His hand comes over mine as he reaches for it and I get a flash of us in the ocean, our hands intertwined underwater, heavy breaths and fluttering eyelashes. Yes, it’s okay. His heart beats in equal, measured pulses. So unaffected by all of this, by me, that I have to jerk my hand away for self-preservation. A muscle in Theo’s jaw tightens as he looks at where our hands met, but he’s silent otherwise and finally takes the shirt. Good. If Chiara notices that there’s any tension in the air, she ignores it and swiftly moves the conversation along.
‘Oh, I think you’ll really get on with the boys. You should come out with us and tell Dante, obviously. Please! It’ll be fun, I promise. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to party.’
‘You sound like Anika,’ I say lamely as Theo snarls at the same time, ‘She won’t be able to make it tonight.’
‘Magdalen can make up her own mind,’ Chiara fires back as my mouth opens stupidly, shocked by how quickly she is able to defend me. She knows nothing about me and yet her instinct is to protect against Theo. I wonder how well she knows him, to take my side over his.
I know I should speak up, but I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, the only thing that will come out is a sob. Instead, I stay silent and feel Chiara staring at me. I know before our eyes lock that she’s aware something is off between Theo and me. Call it woman’s intuition. She smiles again, but this time it’s forced.
‘Magdalen, do you want him to take you home?’
‘No, I can find my way back. It was nice to see you. Really. Have fun tonight.’
‘Yeah, you too,’ Chiara says. ‘Get home safe.’ Theo opens his mouth but Chiara smacks him on the shoulder and then shoves him in the direction of town.
As I make my way towards the houses along the beach, I can still hear Chiara and Theo’s hushed whispers. ‘What did you do now?’ she screeches, half-jokingly. I’m too far away by the time Theo answers and I’m grateful for the distance. The sobs claw their way up my throat and the sound of my own crying scares me. My hands fly to my mouth to muffle the sounds, but it does nothing, so I push against my lips so tightly I feel the strain of my front teeth, how they scrape against my palm in protest.
