Page 41 of Planned Seduction
“Wish you were seeing them?” Amy would have loved the challenge. She was that sort of person.
For the first time since he walked back into the room, she seemed to relax. “Yeah. It’s a little frustrating not being able to take on every case. The counselor they’re using is good, and if there are any problems, she’ll ask for assistance.” She changed the subject. “What about you? Ready for tomorrow?”
“Sure am.” Although job offers had poured in after his exhibition, he’d rejected them all and taken the last few weeks off. The shoot at POWS had been gut-wrenching, and he needed time out to regroup.
Tomorrow, he was starting work again. A women’s glossy had asked him to do a fashion shoot. He anticipated a week there would be a good entrance back into the field.
“I’ll miss the sleep-ins and surfing, though. Especially now that the weather’s a bit warmer. Did I tell you what the shoot is?” he asked. “It’s the Oz designers’ spring collection. I’ll be completely in the know about the upcoming fashions. Ask me anything you want to know about dressing for sunshine.” He paused and then said with authority, “I’ve been told purple is the new black.” He’d been told no such thing, but at least his comment had the desired effect. Amy laughed.
“What about skirt length?” she asked. “Mini, midi, or long?”
He looked at her and shook his head. “Skirts are so last year, daahling. Anyone who’s anyone in the industry knows that. The best-dressed people are wearing pants this spring.” He waited a second and then added, “Purple pants.”
Amy snorted. “Lucky you’re filming the models and not dressing them.”
A couple of months ago, she would have made some comment about undressing them as well. It was way too good an opportunity to miss. She would have procured great joy from taking the piss out of him. A couple of months ago, she’d have been right. There would’ve been a lot of undressing of models going on.
But not anymore.
“How are you feeling? Has the time off work helped you?”
Daniel smiled to himself. She couldn’t hide that side of her—Amy the caregiver, the nurturer. No matter what he’d put her through, she still worried about him and the effect being at the hospital had had on him.
If it were anyone else, he’d have brushed off the question and changed the topic. “A little,” he answered honestly. “For a while there, I couldn’t distance myself from some of the kids. I identified too strongly with them. It hurt.” It still did. His stomach twisted every time he thought of the ward.
“I guess whenever you were in a room with one of them you relived the times you sat with your sister while she was sick.” Her voice was gentle, yet probing.
“I did. Especially with Vicky. She reminded me so much of Sarah.”
“How?” Her eyes remained trained on his face.
“Her attitude toward her illness. She was so positive the whole time. She knows there’s a chance she could”—his voice cracked, and he swallowed—“she could die. Yet she is so brave and so funny. She never gave up hope, even when she was so sick she couldn’t talk without throwing up.” A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“She has a younger brother, Theodore. She worries about him and what he’s going through. Every time she mentioned him, I thought about Sarah. Sarah always asked how Lex and I were doing. She worried about us even though she was the one going through the treatment.” He closed his eyes and shook his head as painful memories poured through. “I thought about the days when she felt so bad she didn’t even want to see us. And”—he paused and frowned—“and then I remembered how rejected I felt. Christ, how selfish is that? Sarah was sick, and I sat there feeling rejected?”
“Oh, Danny.” Amy grabbed his hand. “You were a child. A scared, anxious child.”
“I was a demanding brat. I insisted my parents pay us as much attention as they gave Sarah and then got pissed off when they didn’t. I didn’t understand they couldn’t.”
Daniel brushed a hand through his hair.
Hell, he hadn’t expected to reveal any of this. Yet the need to get it all off his chest was overwhelming. He had to talk to someone, and who better than Amy?
“You were twelve.” Her voice was so soft, so understanding. “How could you possibly appreciate all the dynamics? All you knew was that your sister was sick and your parents were focused more on her than on either you or Lexi. Add to that your own feelings about Sarah’s illness, and it’s a lot for a boy to cope with.”
“Sometimes,” Daniel admitted, surprised by his own candidness, “I didn’t try to cope at all. I pretended nothing was wrong. I’d go to school and live this fantasy where everyone was healthy. The days were much easier that way. I even remembered how to laugh again. Then I’d get home and find Mum crying, or my aunt waiting to watch us while my parents were at the hospital, and just as quickly, I remembered there was nothing normal about our family after all.”
“I bet that made you feel guilty, trying to live a normal life when Sarah’s life was anything but.”
Daniel was stunned. That’s exactly how he’d felt. Guilty. He hadn’t understood it then. He’d berate himself over his audacity to be happy. Then fly into a rage because he didn’t know how to deal with his self-recriminations. “I wasn’t easy to live with during that time.”
She squeezed his hand. “You were trying to be normal, to find some sanity in an abnormal situation. That’s human nature. It’s called self-preservation. It would have been far more worrying if you hadn’t tried to make the best of the situation.”
He smiled at her. “Both Sarah and Vicky said the same thing. No matter how bad it got, they had to make the best of a bad situation.” It was only when Vicky had said it to him a few months ago that he’d realized she was right. It was then he’d resolved to make the most of his situation with Amy.
“Wise words from wise children,” Amy said. “How are you feeling now that you’ve had time to put a little space between yourself and the hospital?”
“A little more resolved. Kids get sick and some don’t survive. I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to accept it.”
