Page 42 of Planned Seduction
She was silent for a while. He could practically see the cogs turning in her mind before she asked quietly, “What if Vicky died? How would you feel then?”
How would he feel? “Crushed,” he said at last. “But at least I’d be able to distance myself from her death. Before my stint at the ward, I wouldn’t have been able to separate my feelings for her from my feelings for Sarah. Now I can.”
Amy shifted so her whole body faced him. She pulled her knees up onto the couch, pressing against his thigh. Her entire focus was on the conversation, and she seemed unaware that she was touching him. Although he was conscious of it, this time the contact was not arousing. It was comforting.
“Your fear of losing Sarah must have been overwhelming.”
“It was. For a long time, I’d forgotten that. The relief that came with her remission buried my fears. It was easier to focus on the happy than the sad, so I didn’t try to remember what might have happened.”
“That’s pretty much how you live your life now, isn’t it? Focusing on the happy, not the sad. That’s why you always look at the positive side of life.”
Daniel nodded. “I guess so.”
“But you weren’t left completely unscathed.”
“What are you talking about?”
Amy gnawed on her lower lip and held his hand in both of hers. “I think your fear of Sarah’s possible death scarred you in another aspect of your life.”
He shook his head, unsure of what she was getting at.
“I think,” she said gently, “your fear of losing Sarah has translated into your relationships with women. Your reluctance to commit to anyone—to get involved in a serious relationship—stems from your fear of losing someone special in your life.”
Daniel digested her words in silence.
“The knowledge that someone so close to you almost died made you scared another person you care deeply about might die. It’s easier not to care at all. To cut your relationships off before they become meaningful.”
His natural instinct was to deny it. No. I’ve never had a meaningful relationship with another woman because I’m in love with you. But after letting the idea sink in, he decided that maybe she wasn’t so far off course. He hadn’t committed to a long-term relationship, ever. Not even with Amy. He’d never tried to get involved with her until now. The shoot had changed him. He was finally ready to take that step.
He was startled at her insightfulness. “You know what, Morgan? It never occurred to me my fear of Sarah dying may have affected me in other ways.” He wanted to tell her he was ready for a commitment as long as it was with her. But now she was the one who wasn’t ready to hear it. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
He paused, choosing his words carefully. “It’s only fair to give you something to think about as well.”
She looked startled and tried to let go of his hand. Not ready to break contact yet, he held tight.
“I’ll make you a deal. I promise to look at my fear of commitment in a different light…”
“If…?”
He waited a heartbeat and looked her in the eyes as he said, “If you try to look at me in a different light.”
