Page 4 of Thirteen Years
“Rebecca…Wareman. But I go by Becks,” I stuttered my reply.
“Becks,” he repeated, watching me. “Maybe I’ll see you around again soon?” He backed away towards the door, winking at me.
Was he flirting with me?
“Maybe,” I muttered, spinning around and hurrying to my vehicle.
I may need something stronger than espresso. I thought to myself as I slammed my car door.
When I finished washing my hands in the bathroom, I straightened to dry them while looking in the mirror. My brown eyes skimmed my body taking stock in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I had long black hair, another genetic trait I had passed down to my daughter. Said hair was thrown up into a messy bun more often than not, the curls driving me nuts frequently. Nat looked like me, although she had gotten Clark’s blue eyes, and was thinner than I had been at her age. Weight wasn’t something I pressured her about after having dealt with that myself my entire life. I just wanted her to be happy, healthy, confident, and love herself.
I snorted a laugh as I took in the outfit I wore to drop off Nat. I was shocked she hadn’t thrown more of a fit about being seen with me. Slipping the plain black hoodie off, I shook my head at my traditional Christmas plaid pajama bottoms and old rock band shirt.
“You really made an impression today, Becks,” I muttered to myself. Kicking off my white sneakers I cringed inwardly at the fact I hadn’t bothered with socks because of the hurry.
Reaching into the shower stall and turning on the water I continued undressing, waiting for the water to warm and begin fogging the bathroom mirror. Tugging my hair down, I gave my body another once-over with some trepidation. I was definitely a mother. There was no hiding that. Carrying Natasha had left stretch marks standing out along my abdomen and breasts. Not to mention the cellulite on my thighs. I guess I should consider them my stripes of valor. I sighed, turning to step into the shower.
My mind wandered back to Lucas Marshall before I could stop myself. That man was dangerous. I hadn’t noticed a man’s looks in over a decade. Not allowing myself even a hookup. Sex had been off the table since the night I’d made my escape from my ex. I was usually too busy to worry about partaking in any sexual escapades during our years of constantly moving.
When I was in high school, I’d read romance novels in lieu of a social life. I was the odd girl out and never had gotten to have the dating life everyone else did. I had always been slightly nerdy and never quite fit in with any particular social group.
I was thirty-eight, had given birth to a child, been married, but could honestly say I had never been on a real date. Never had the sneaky make out sessions in the car or in the back of a movie theater that girls often giggled about. Boys seemed to take advantage of what I could do for them, then dropped me like a bad habit. I thought I knew what it was supposed to be like based on the books I still read sometimes.
I still always dreamt of a romance novel type of love. Most of those dreams died within twenty-four hours of becoming engaged to Clark. I was convinced men like that just weren’t meant for women like me.
That police officer though. He was something I could see myself fantasizing about like I hadn’t done in a long time. Biting my bottom lip I continued rinsing my hair as my mind drifted back to him.
He towered over my own tall frame at somewhere around six and a half feet tall. He was a husky man himself, no gangly limbs or swollen beer gut in sight. I knew he had to be moderately healthy to keep his place on a police force. He’d definitely had some muscles and filled out his uniform nicely. Dark hair and gray eyes had resonated with me and I didn't know why. Maybe because Clark had been so fair in comparison. Dark ink had peeked out of his uniform at the wrists and neck, leading me to believe he was covered in tattoos. His smile had almost taken my breath away and his voice had been deep and done things to my stomach that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I found myself longing for his touch and wondering what it would feel like to have his hands roam over my body. Blushing, I continued washing and shook my head at my own train of thoughts.
Lucas looked dark and dangerous. I was sure when he was out of uniform, and people didn’t know him, they gave him a wide berth. Knowing he was a good guy and sworn to protect set my mind at ease. That man could definitely be trouble though. I had learned not to trust police officers when I’d been married to Clark. They’d sided with him on too many things in that small town.
I wondered what it would be like to be the woman he desired even just once. I wondered what it would be like to be a normal woman and just go on a date with a man. Hell. Maybe we could hit it off. Maybe we could end up back at his place. Maybe he’d take control and sweep me onto his bed and…
What the actual hell?!
I hadn’t thought about a man in the real world in over a decade. Most of my fantasies consisted of the fictional men in my romance novels. The kind that took charge and didn’t let a woman think too hard about things in the bedroom. Yet, here I was, blushing like a virgin and daydreaming about a man I had just met, at my daughter’s school, and he was a cop. I definitely needed a nap or more coffee. Maybe a shot of tequila? I laughed at myself.
I needed to get my head back in the game. I decided a long time ago that I would never be in a relationship again. After countless dead end attempts of being used, and the traumatic disaster of a marriage, I’d decided it wasn’t in the stars for me. I was a mom. I had a job. Those were my whys in life. Nothing else mattered and I couldn’t let the first man I felt sexually attracted to cause me to falter off the path.
I stepped out of the shower and looked at my towel-wrapped body in the mirror. Lucas Marshall had apparently woken something in me that had been dormant for some time and I could see fear beneath the resilience in my eyes.
“Snap out of it, Becks,” I whispered, “you’ve got way too much baggage for someone like that.”
I couldn’t believe that in an instant, one man had managed to work me up like this. I had worked so hard to stay ahead of Clark and off his radar. This was the first peace I’d felt in years, enough to try to lay roots down. I sighed. I just couldn’t go throwing myself headfirst into the possibility of a relationship after thirteen years. Let alone with a police officer.
Walking into my bedroom, I started finger combing my hair out. I wanted to run to the store to get some groceries, and cleaning supplies I noticed I was short on after unpacking. With work starting soon, I didn’t want to have to spend more time running errands in my down time while I was trying to settle Nat into our new life here. I hoped she’d branch out and get involved in some extracurricular activities this time. She'd never seemed interested before because of how often we had moved.
I sat down on my bed after throwing on some comfortable jeans and a shirt. In times like these, lost in my thoughts, it was hard not to feel guilty about how messed up our life seemed. Nat was healthy, seemed happy, and I of course took better care of her than I did even myself. It was just the constant moving, one-sided friendships, and leaving friends behind that I worried about.
I didn't want her to fear friendships and people the way her mother did. I wanted her to have more people to support her than I ever had as well. I wanted her to have memories of friends during school and sleepovers. I wanted her to feel like she belonged. My mind was made up. I was better off alone and ready to run if I needed. No ties and no losses had been my motto for over a decade. It wouldn’t change now.
I grabbed my car keys and slipped my shoes on.
“It's settled. Keep your head in the game, woman,” I muttered to myself, heading out the door.
Chapter 02
The precinct’s door slammed behind me as I walked in, leaving my thoughts somewhere back at the local middle school’s front office. It had been roughly three hours since I had met Rebecca Wareman and I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I had tried to worm more information out of Monica, but she’d informed me that it had been the first time she’d met Becks herself.
