Page 178 of My Heart Still Beats
“What?” I cup his cheek.
His eyes are glassy, almost as if he’s hiding unshed tears.
I look into the room. It’s littered with empty liquor bottles, and his bed is covered with dirty dishes and food crumbs.
My God. He’s in bad shape.
He’s known this was coming for a while.
“Ben…what is it?”
“Oh, Tessa. Damn it all. I wanted to help you. You were so lost, and I wanted…”
“Youdidhelp me, Ben.” I lay a hand on his chest. “You showed me what’s truly important. That my life is far from over. That even though I can’t change what happened to me, I can change my attitude about it. I can choose happiness.”
“I’m so glad you found happiness, Tessa.”
“I found it withyou.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done terrible things. And now the whole world knows about it.”
“I think you’ve made mistakes. Like all of us have. You’re flawed. But you’re the flawed man I love. I never even understood love before you. I mistook physical feelings, infatuation, for love. But with you—”
“Stop!” he roars. “Just stop it! I can’t take it.”
My lips tremble. “Ben, I won’t let you do whatever you think you’re going to do here. I’m not going to—”
“Don’t you see? You don’t have a choice.”
I smile weakly. “But I do.Youtaught me that, Ben. You showed me that. I have a choice…and so do you.”
“Tessa, listen to me. The story about me is out. We can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. Before long, there will be news cameras at my doorstep, a media circus. I just can’t…” He puts his head into his hands.
“You can’t what?”
“It’s not going to be pretty, Tessa. And I don’t want you to have to deal with it. I did something terrible, and I’ve kept it a secret all this time. It’s been eating at me for years. But in truth? I’m glad it’s coming out. Part of me is so damned relieved. And the funny thing is? Without you, I’d never have had the strength to do what I’ve done. Tell my story. Cop to my part in it.”
“Tell me the whole story, Ben. I only heard a little from those two jerks, and I was only listening to the news for a few minutes before I came over. What’s your side?”
He leads me to his living room and onto his couch. “Sit down.”
But he doesn’t sit next to me.
He’s creating distance between us.
I don’t like it.
Words pour out of him, then.
Jumbled words, but I get the gist.
Seventeen and stupid.
Tired of working so hard.
Got in with a bad crowd.
Robbed a warehouse.
