Page 61 of The Absence of You
“Dahlia,” she lowers her tone, her badly disguised sympathy plain to see. “My duty of care is to Rosie because she’s my patient. The things we’ve discussed in previous sessions are subject to doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“But surely the best thing for my mum is to get this out in the open? Whatever this is has made her sad and depressed enough to want to use alcohol to numb the pain or forget or whatever. So getting it out in the open is better for everyone.” I turn back to my mum, “I’m a big girl, Mum. I can take the truth. Don’t I deserve it?” I take a deep breath and steel myself. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”
“What? No! He’s not dead. God Dahlia, is that what you think?” She clutches my arm, but I shake her off and jump out of my seat.
“Then what, Mum, what? Why has he never been in touch? Not even once? Why has he cut off his own mother? Has he stayed away this whole time because he couldn’t bear to be a father to me? He was young, I get it. I’d find it hard to be a parent at this age, but he’s not got that excuse now, has he? I just don’t understand. He’s not even curious about me?” I choke back a sob and slump back into my chair as my mum comes over and kneels in front of me.
“Oh my beautiful girl, he is curious about you. Believe me, if there was any other way, he would have been here to watch you grow into this amazing young woman. I’ve been sending him photos and letters your whole life. He is beyond proud of you. I wish he could tell you himself.” As the words tumble out, she pales and clamps her hand over her mouth.
“What do you mean? I don’t understand! Stop talking in riddles and just start from the beginning,” I beg her, but it’s already too late. I see the exact moment she shuts down again. She isn’t going to say anything. It’s obvious she didn’t want to tell me as much as that.
She gets back up off the floor and sits back in her chair. Dr. Jenson at least has the good grace to look concerned, even if she does remain silent. The only noise comes from my mum who is softly sobbing.
She’s been in touch with him the whole time.
Why would she keep that from me?
I don’t even recognise her right now.
“Are we done?” I address the room coldly. Unsurprisingly, Mum doesn’t even look up, and after what feels like an eternity, I stand and leave the room with even more questions than when I entered it.
Chapter Forty-Eight
DAHLIA
Ididn’t bother to say goodbye to my mum. Instead, I’d headed straight to the station and exchanged my ticket so I could travel back last night. Dee had been asleep when I’d got back to the house, and she was still asleep when I left for school this morning. It wasn’t a bad thing. I need to be in a calmer state of mind for my next conversation with her.
I was furious with my mum, but I was willing to reserve judgement about Dee until I’d at least given her a chance to tell me what she knows.
“Dahlia! You’re back!” Callie screeches at me across the car park. She’s surprisingly jolly considering it’s so early in the morning. Until she called my name, I was lost in my own little world. I stop, only to be nearly bowled over by her hug. I return her hug, probably too tightly. She slowly pulls away, examining my face. “You okay, sweetie?”
“Not really,” I tell her.
“I don’t really talk about it much, but I have some experience in dealing with fucked up parenting, so believe me when I say, I feel your pain. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
I force a smile. “I’m okay. Feel like I’ve relived my entire childhood in the last few days in excruciating detail. Talked about shit I never needed to revisit and totally bypassed everything I actually wanted to talk about. But my mum is the one in therapy, not me, so I’ve just got to suck it up, right?” I let out a resigned sigh.
“I’m so sorry. I’m presuming she didn’t give up the info you wanted about your dad, then?” I’d filled Callie in on most of what went down this week during a phone call the previous day, but she knew I was hoping to have a last-minute breakthrough with my mum. I shake my head and link my arm with hers.
I’d tossed and turned all night, beyond frustrated that I couldn’t force my mum to talk, but in the early hours, I’d made a decision. I was going to ask Grayson to help me. I’d previously ruled out asking for his help, and he’s the last person I feel like talking to, but fuck it, I don’t have to like him to ask him for this. It’s just a means to an end. We chat as we walk to our lockers.
“Have you seen much of Grayson this week?”
Callie lifts an eyebrow. “Seriously? You haven’t had a shit enough week, you’re now actively going to engage with that dick?” I know Callie just wants to protect me, but this isn’t about us. I’m done with him. I can’t be around another person who has honesty issues. Not again. I am worth more than that. For once, I am going to put myself first. I’m not exactly sure what that is going to look like, but I owe it to myself to find out. Once I’ve asked for his help on this one thing, I will keep my distance. Concentrate on studying, on finding out the truth about my dad, and in the process, find myself.
“I need him to find out some details about my dad’s disappearance. There’s no one else I can ask, unless you know anyone else studying computer science that might be able to help?” She shrugs. “Didn’t think so."
As if fate was listening, I turn away from my locker, only to slam into a hard wall of muscle.
“Lia, fuck. I thought you’d gone. I thought...” Grayson stops talking, his eyes moving between Callie and me. He looks terrible. He’s deathly pale and looks exhausted, like he could do with a good night’s sleep and a shave. He’s usually so put together, but today he just looks broken. The only other times I’d seen him like this had been after he’d been subjected to his father’s wrath when we were kids. I want to ask him if he’s okay, but I stop myself. He’s made his feelings clear enough times. His life is none of my business.
“I just went to visit my mum for a few days, that’s all.” I swear his whole demeanour changes at my words, but I don’t waste time trying to unpack the meaning of it, and I plough on. “Can we talk?”
“Yes. Of course. Now?” His eagerness takes me by surprise, and I falter for a second before finding my voice.
“No, I meant later. I can’t really afford to miss any more lesson time. After school? Maybe we can walk back home together?”
“I have my car, but meet me outside, I’ll give you a lift and we can talk then?”
