Page 62 of The Absence of You
I nod in agreement.
GRAYSON
I was running late to my first lesson because I’d spent twenty minutes this morning hacking into the academy server to find Dahlia’s previous address. Normally a job like that would have taken me a fraction of that time, but I was running on coffee and nothing else having not slept for days. Eventually I found it, but it turned out to be for nothing because Dahlia wasn’t in Liverpool. I had to blink to make sure I wasn’t seeing things when I ran into her in the hallway.
I had it wrong.
She hasn’t left.
And she wants to talk.
A few hours ago, I had a solid plan. I had all the evidence I needed to have my father arrested for embezzlement, blackmail, fraud, and countless other charges. I’d searched his office thoroughly and there was nothing in there. The envelope filled with information about Dahlia was evidence of him being a fucking prick, but it wasn’t illegal. So I have no choice but to use the evidence from my computer. It’s enough to convict him a dozen times over but once I hand it over to the police, I’ll be arrested too. The thought of going to jail is fucking terrifying, and I can assume my mother won’t be rushing to pay for a lawyer for me considering this is of my own doing, but I deserve to pay the price for my part in it, and over the last few days, I’d made peace with it.
But before I signed away my freedom, I planned to make things right with Dahlia. I couldn’t go away without her knowing everything. Armed with her mum’s address, I’d intended to drive up to Liverpool and find her. Admit to every awful thing I’d done for my father. Explain how he’d blackmailed me. Forced me into the relationship with Charlotte. I hoped that even if she couldn’t forgive me, she’d find it in her heart to understand my actions.
That wasn’t all. I was intending to persuade Dee and Rosie that it was time to come clean to Dahlia about her dad. I’d drawn a complete blank over his motive for murder, but it was vital for her to know he didn’t leave because of her. Several evenings this week, I’d gone to Dee’s to talk to her, but she wasn’t there. I’d planned to go again this evening and sit on her doorstep until she came home if I needed to.
The fallout from my plan was never going to be pretty, but it was the right thing to do. Maybe she’d never forgive any of us, but it would be her choice. It should always have been her choice.
But I hadn’t factored seeing Dahlia this morning. When I’d heard her on that video call to Callie last week, I’d assumed her mum was out of rehab and she’d decided to go home, but I’d clearly got it wrong.
Her being back here changes things. My father is away with work for the next few days, so there’s no chance he will reveal what he knows to her, but my own knowledge of it sits like lead in my stomach.
I don’t want to lie to Dahlia for a moment longer, but I still need to speak to Dee. I owe it to her and Rosie to at least give them the chance to break the news themselves. God knows they’ve had years and haven’t done it, but if they know my father has the information in his possession, I’m sure they’d rather get ahead of it.
Dahlia needs to know the truth; however hard it is to hear. But she needs to hear it from the people who love her if there is any possibility of her being able to forgive them.
My head is telling me to avoid Lia until I’ve spoken to Dee, but my heart is daring to hope the fact she sought me out this morning means something. She came to me wanting to talk, and there was no way I was saying no to that. Last week in the bookshop, I felt like I might never get the opportunity to make it up to her, but this is an opening. One I don’t deserve, but an opening, nonetheless.
The rest of the day passes in a blur and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as nervous as I do right now. My palms are sweating, and I can’t stop my leg from bouncing. I’ve been called out for not paying attention in lessons twice, and I missed my best time in swim practice by a full two seconds. My head is somewhere else entirely, and I can’t find it in myself to give a single shit. My last lesson is computer science, and again I find myself distracted, missing the majority of the lesson. As the final bell sounds, I jump out of my seat only for my professor to block the doorway,
“Mr. Banks, not so fast.”
“Sorry, Sir, got somewhere I need to be.” I try to edge past him, but he stands strong and resolute, determined to speak to me. Unless I want to have physical assault on my record, I have no choice but to hear him out. Behind his shoulder, I spot Asher walking past, and I call to him over Professor Seed’s shoulder.
“Hey Ash, I’m meant to be meeting Dahlia by my car. Can you tell her I’m running late and give her my keys?” I toss them over the professor’s head as he frowns at me. Asher catches them and gives me the thumbs up. I bring my attention back to Professor Seed.
“What gives, Sir? No offence, but I’ve got places to be.”
“Mr. Banks, take a seat. This won’t take long.” I stalk back into the classroom as everyone else files out. Fuck, this is all I need. This is my favourite class, and I’ve had an A on every paper this year, so he can’t be about to bitch me out about that.
Out of the window, I have a clear view of the car park, and I watch Asher approach Dahlia as she stands next to my car, her books clutched to her chest. I see her nod and take the keys from Asher before settling herself in the passenger seat.
Professor Seed is still rambling on, and I catch the word scholarship.
“I’m sorry. I missed what you said.” I turn to give him my full attention.
“I’m telling you that I put your name forward for the IBM promising pupil program. I know your father is keen for you to study business and law, but you have other options. This is an opportunity for you to study anywhere in the world and work alongside some of the greatest minds in the industry. I know money isn’t necessarily a huge factor, but there is also a considerable bursary attached.
I’ll email you all the details, but with your scores and experience, I think there’s a real chance you would be accepted. You really do have a gift, and it would be a shame not to see how far it can take you, Grayson.”
Fuck, if Professor Seed knew what I’d been using my computer skills for, he wouldn’t be recommending me for this opportunity. No way at all. I should tell him no right now, save him the embarrassment of withdrawing my name further down the line, when the shit hits the fan with my dad. The program will never trust the Academy ever again once they find out what sort of candidate they’ve put forward.
I know in my gut this is just another thing my father has stolen from me, this time without even trying.
But the smallest part of me must be hanging on to hope, because I hear myself tell Professor Seed how grateful I am. How I will do my best to make him proud.
Without a shadow of doubt, at some point I will be adding him to the list of people I’ve disappointed. But that’s the thing about hope, it has a way of fighting until its dying breath.
