Page 30 of Goldie's Grumpy Grizzly
Here you are, with a mate serendipitously dropped directly in your path. Literally. And it’s like you’d rather be dead than risk really living.
What good does having a mate do, if it only ends in heartache and pain?
Connor springs forward, knocking me sideways. We grapple, pushing and shoving, jaws chomping. Not hard enough to hurt, just enough to make a point.
You’re thinking about dad again?
Always. And Mama. I incline my head to Clayton. And this hardass.
Fuck you, Clayton interjects, sitting down and looking on while Connor and I knock into a tree. We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here for you.
I push away from my younger brother, huffing. You’re too young to remember, Conn, but we watched Mama nearly go feral after Dad died. Her mate was gone and she was devastated.
Yes, it was fucking hard. But she’s still here. We didn’t lose her. You can’t live your life afraid of losing or you’ve already lost. Clayton rises up on his hind legs with a challenging look in his eye. What are you so afraid of?
She’s a witch, I finally admit. Worse, she’s the witch that evil sorceress was trying to usher into the world as her blessed, chosen successor.
My brothers paw the ground beneath them, shaking their heads and snuffling at the revelation. After a long moment, Clayton recovers first.
She was innocent in that, Cole. You can’t hold what someone else did against her. She and her mother were victims, too.
I let out a pained roar, covering my eyes with my paws.
I know that! But how can I be mated with someone whose very being reminds me that I was too weak and too stupid to stop that conniving, power-hungry sorceress from capturing me and using me to lure Dad out? How can I look at her and not think of the ways I failed my family?
At this, my brothers recoil in shock.
Clayton recovers first.
You know what happened wasn’t your fault, right? You were just a cub, Cole. It’s not fair to blame yourself for what that sorceress did.
Releasing another uneasy breath, I shake my head, trying to clear it.
If you think pushing away your own mate is going to help, spoiler alert. It won’t.
I sigh, rubbing a paw against my chest and looking back at my cabin. Rae emerges onto the deck, pauses and scans the forest as if sensing me or seeking me. Then, she turns and walks off, headed toward the center of the campground where the holiday village is.
My bear clambers up, poised to follow after her, but I force myself to sit down again.
Anyway, there’s nothing I can offer her.
Isn’t there? Clay drops back onto all fours and nudges me with his head.
You didn’t have any problem offering her your cock, Connor snorts.
I glare at him, a warning rumble burrowing in my chest. Having a mate is about more than just mind-blowing sex.
Clay rolls his eyes. I’m not talking about your dick, dumbass. I’m talking about your heart. Family. Loyalty.
I frown. Rae wanted to belong. And as my mate, she belongs with me.
Stubbornly, I shake my head. It’s not worth it.
And what if it fucking is? Connor surges forward to snarl in my face. What if the pain is worth the pleasure? What if loving your mate means it’ll heal the guilt and shame you’ve insisted on carrying all this time? You’d rather not find out?
Nothing is worth the risk of getting my chest ripped open and my heart flayed alive.
Right?
