Page 37 of The Secret
“Holy shit,” he gusts out. “You’ve ruined me.”
He sounds so breathless that I rub a hand over his chest, and he shifts his hip into me cracking open an eye. “You’re wet.”
I grin pressing into his hip. “Of course, how could I not be, watching that?”
He rolls into me burying his face in my neck, groaning.
“Has anyone ever told you what an incredible woman you are?”
I laugh.Such a giver, always.
“Not recently,” I say. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
His hand invades my hair, and he groans.
“Too long, Liss. When are you coming back to Africa?”
It’s been a miserable month. Usually being back here is a joy, stepping into my life, seeing Jo and Kate, helping students and enjoying the cut and thrust of the city before the traffic and the aggression pisses me off, and the pressure builds to be back among smiling faces and in the hot sun.
I wrap my arms around him squeezing tight. “I’ve missed you,” I say.
He draws back kissing my cheek, satisfied eyes searching mine. “I’ve missed you too, but answer the damn question: When are you coming back to Africa?”
“I’ve got to save some money.”
“When, Liss?”
“A couple more months.”
He groans when I say this. “You have to get a proper job out there so you can stay. Stay with me.”
“You want me to give up this incredible lifestyle for a guy?” I’m joking, but he pulls back with a frown.
“We need to find a compromise that works for us, Liss. Would you consider coming to Zimbabwe? Living with me?”
I was too scared when he offered this before. I’m skittish, I know I am. He’s pushing, and I’m thrilled he’s pushing, but to put myself in his hands so thoroughly …? Well, it kicks against something very elemental in me.
Then he says, “Polishing up my thesis is the last thing I need to do, and I’ve nearly finished. I’ve got to hand it in, get everything organized, and find a job, which could be anywhere, maybe here if I could get a visa.”
The walls seem to tilt in toward me. The idea he could come here warms my stomach, and my reluctance to answer his question is not because I don’t want to go to Africa, that’s an excuse, it’s because the whole thing terrifies me. I’ve known him, what? Five months? He appears genuine and straightforward, but I’ve been fooled before. A shudder runs down my spine.
“You know I’m coming back.” That I can give him. I’m not quitting volunteering in Africa ever.
“But are you coming back to be with me?” he whispers.
I have to be honest; he’s laying it all out here, and I’m not giving him much in return.
“I’m scared, Dan. I have a terrible history with guys. I’m terrified of trusting you, terrified of fucking this up. I want it, oh God, I want it, but I just …”
He hugs me close and kisses my temple. “I understand.”
He reaches down and pulls the cover over us, and we lie curled around each other in the ticking silence of the apartment. Traffic hums in the street below, a door closes down the hallway. I’m drifting off to sleep when I hear him say,
“Just know I’ll always be waiting for you.”
16
LISS
