Page 93 of The Secret
“Yeah, fees anyway. I had to support myself otherwise.”
“And he left you alone?”
“Once or twice he dragged me into stuff, but being out of his sight he mostly forgot about me. He was lazy and I was in another country, hard to get hold of. But life was harder for Jed after I left. He went to an agricultural college in Cape Town, so he came back more often than I did and took the brunt of my father’s bad moods and womanizing.”
There’s silence for a long time. I can hear the reassuring buzz of the fridge in the kitchen. Someone shouts from far away, from the street or a nearby apartment I can’t tell. The sweet scent of him mixed with musk and sweat seeps under my skin, his arm resting heavily on my waist like an anchor. Despite how exposing this conversation has been, the honesty of it settles in my bones. I let my fingers curl through the hair on his chest and gradually it all fades away.
I open my eyes to darkness, halfway between sleep and wakefulness, and blink at the clock. Three a.m. It all comes flooding back, Janus turning up, concerned, seeing Dan.Dan.But as soon as I think it, I know he’s not in the bed with me.Has he left?Given up on me and my country hopping and running away? I pull on a robe and slip out the bedroom door, padding quietly down the corridor and a weight lifts off my chest when I find him sitting in jeans and with no top on the sofa in the dark.
“Are you okay?” I whisper. I don’t want to wake Matt.
He beckons me over. “Yeah, yeah. Just awake, thinking. Probably jet lag. I didn’t want to wake you.” His quiet tone matches mine. When he pats the cushion next to him, I collapse onto it.
He glances at the other bedroom door. “Does Kate still live here?”
“Kate moved out to live with her boyfriend, Fabian. A friend of ours, Matt, took over the apartment when I went to the Philippines, and I moved back in when I came back. He found someone to take my room when I got this contract in Kiwanja, but he said I could stay here this week as the guy who rented my room is away on a work placement.”
I watch in curiosity as he closes his eyes. “Please tell me Matt is a woman with a strange guy-type-sounding name.”
“Nope.”
“You’re living with aguy?”
His eyes grow dark and heated, fixed on me as a frown slashes across his forehead. I grin at him and rub the crease between his eyebrows, but he lunges at me, pushing me horizontal and lying on top of me as a little shriek spills out. He grabs my hands and nuzzles my throat.
“I’m going to fuck you here noisily, so there’s no doubt about who you’re with.”
Goddamn caveman. “Nothing is going on with Matt and me,” I say, squeezing his fingers.
He pulls his head up, eyes calmer now, but some edge to him that makes me feel all wiggly inside.
“You only think that. There’s no way a guy is sharing an apartment with a woman as beautiful as you and doesn’t want to get in her pants, Liss, unless he’s gay. Is he gay?”
“No! And I don’t care what guys think, Dan! Matt’s a good friend. He took on the lease for this place and is happy to find short-term lodgers so I can move back in whenever I’m back,” I whisper shout at him.
He lets out a groan. “God, it’s worse than I thought, he does all that shit for you too?”
“Stop,” I say. “What were you doing sitting staring into the darkness anyway?”
“Good change of subject.”
“And?”
Dan pulls back and sits up, pulling me into him. “I was actually thinking you have the perfect life.”
“The perfect life.” I gape at him. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No. New York is great. Going to Africa, helping people ... that’s great too.”
“No money. Desperately trying to make ends meet. Living in the same cramped, sketchy apartment I’ve lived in since I was a student …”
“Hey, this apartment and that bed are my happy place. Anytime I want to escape the drudgery of the farm, I imagine myself here.”
“You wouldn’t think that if you lived here. Noisy neighbors, 24/7 traffic, parties at all hours …”
“I was thinking I should live here for a bit, live your life with you, maybe travel back and forth.” The words come out carefully, and he eyes me sideways.
My heart is going to burst out of my chest. “Are youserious? What about the farm? Benny?”
