Page 83 of The Secret
Friday, April 8, 2022
Jed peers at me over the paper, bleary-eyed, and I’m sure I look the same. I still can’t believe you can do a half day’s work by 9 a.m. There’s usually some satisfaction when the morning chores are done and we’re finally getting breakfast, but today I’m not feeling it.
“Okay,” he says, eyes fixed on me. “What’s happened?”
I grunt and scowl at my phone, pulling up the weather forecast for the week. He snaps the paper shut and puts it down, then reaches over and knocks the phone out of my hand. I turn quickly, fists balled. I know I’ve been grumpy, and this morning was particularly hard: too many problems piling in all at once, followed by a calf ripping its skin to pieces struggling to break free from a wire fence. An unholy mess.
“If you don’t stop snapping at everyone, I’m chucking you off the farm. What’s going on?”. His eyes narrow on me. “Is this something to do with Liss?”
I scowl at him. I’m not fucking going there with him.
His eyes scan over me. “Okay, so this is clearly to do with her, given your face.” He draws a circle around my head.Nope. I’m done.I rise from my chair, and he slaps his hand down on the table with a sharp crack.
“Sit down!” he barks, sounding so like our father that my eyebrows shoot through my hairline.
He grimaces and sighs. “Come on, Dan, talk to me. You play your cards close to your chest most of the time, but I’m not going to put up with you behaving like someone’s stolen your puppy. This farm’s tough enough without that.”
I sink back into my seat, lifting the half-cold cup of coffee to my lips. “I fucked it up again,” I mumble.
“Fucked what up? Liss? How did you fuck it up? She seemed into you when she was here.”
“Honestly? I’ve no idea. I haven’t heard from her since she went back.” I run my nail down a groove in the old, battered table. “I think I’ve lost her again. Something happened while she was here, I don’t know what. She’s had other relationships while she’s been abroad. What if I’m just one in a long line?”
“Then she’s probably choosy and doesn’t put up with any crap.”
Is that what this is? She was quiet on the way back to the airport in Cape Town. Maybe she saw the situation here—the struggle of the farm and the money—and thought twice about it. Maybe she’s looking for a way to let me down gently. The golden fields dance in the light beyond the window. It’s like the most perfect view in the world and the beauty of it is in complete contrast to the turmoil in my stomach. All the work on the farm is pointless. I’d started to hope, but losing her again … Why isn’t she responding to my texts?
Jed purses his lips and stares at the floor. I don’t like the look on his face. “I gave her some shit about you and the money.”
“You didwhat?”I jerk to my feet.Oh fuck.I lean over the table and get in his face.“What the hell did you say to her?”
Jed bats his hand at me. “Only that there wouldn’t be any money. Calm down.”
“You didwhat? If you’ve fucked this up …”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Then she doesn’t care enough if your grumpy brother could scare her off.” He laughs. “She didn’t take any shit from me.”
“Youasshole. What the fuck did you say?” I slump back into my seat. “Maybe she saw how much trouble the farm was in and decided I wasn’t worth it.”
“Are you serious? She really doesn’t come across as the kind of girl that’d be concerned about the state of afarm.”
“And yet you felt it necessary to give her, and me I might add, a load of shit.” Fucking Jed and his interfering ass.
“When have I not looked out for you?” He adds, eyes narrowed. “That’s what we do. I was just feeling her out. My overall conclusion was that she doesn’t spook easily. I don’t get the feeling she’s interested in money at all. I’m sorry if I did something, okay?”
His words burn through me. “No, she isn’t.” She wouldn’t live off me, and she could have had a much easier life if she hadn’t resisted the route her dad wanted her to take. Liss comes across as so confident, but maybe Jed’s wrong and she is jumpy about men. She mentioned a terrible history with guys, but didn’t tell me anything more.Oh! The irony. I rest my head on my arms on the table, and Jed squeezes my shoulder.
“What’s this about?”
I lift my head to look at him.
“It’s fucking terrifying. She’s it for me. I knew from the first moment I saw her. What if I’m not her it?”
If I was expecting sympathy from Jed, I don’t get it.
“What crap is this? I don’t know what being someone’s ‘it’ even means. After all we’ve been through, our whole lives torpedoed and fucking living through two years of safehouses and the legal nonsense with Dad’s money, I can’t believe you’re mooning around here.” He lets out a long, controlled breath. “You really like her, hunh?”
“She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
