Page 63 of The Secret
He gapes at me. “I think it’s a problem I created, Liss. God, I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I’m glad I’ve seen him in some ways; it’s answered some questions that have tormented me these past few years.”
He squeezes my hand where he’s still holding it over the table.
“We’ve known and helped each other for a long time, Liss. You drew me out of myself when I first came out here and I was struggling to cope with my new life and Helen being gone. I’ll try and put him off the scent and make it right that I told him I’d seen you. I’m not comfortable with what his motives might be. Let me see what I can concoct.”
I have the best friends.Here.Everywhere.
31
LISS
Saturday, March 12, 2022
My phone buzzes as I’m wading through emails on patchy Wi-Fi, and I frown at the number.Why is the hotel calling me from downstairs?I lift it to my ear, and the lady who mans the reception informs me that I have a visitor. Someone called Daniel Falinsburg is here to see me.
Falinsburg?
I roll the unfamiliar surname over my tongue.Wow. I should have picked that up from the meeting in South Africa, but I’m not sure I registered much of anything that day. All that effort looking for Dan Andrews—he used that false name at the university too.How many lies did he tell?I spent money, money I couldn’t afford, with a private investigator.
But fuck, he’s here.
After Brian talked to him again, he told me he got the impression that Dan wouldn’t let it go.
And that name is familiar, itching away at the back of my memory. I stand up and head to the bathroom and splash water over my face. A woman with wild hair stares back at me in the mirror and I wrinkle my nose. I’d like to appear cool and sleek, but when have I ever managed that in front of Dan? I collapse back down on the bed and suck in a deep breath. Why are you scared, Liss? He’s the asshole here—this is your chance to tell him face to face how long it took you to pull yourself back together.
My stomach follows the descent of each painted floor number in the stairwell. When I reach the lobby, he’s sitting, so casually, on a sofa near the entrance. His hair is shorter, tousled, and his beard trimmed: He looks more like the man I knew, but the old confident swagger and the way he held his body are gone. His eyes catch mine as I walk over the shiny linoleum floor to the red-fringed couch, and it’s like falling from a great height.He’s alive. Okay. The pain in my chest takes over my whole being. Goddammit, Liss.He has a child, a wife.Guys like this … you’ve been there before.
His eyes follow me, sparks on my skin everywhere his gaze lands, and as he rises to meet me, I paste a smile on my face.Get this over and done with. I want to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing disappearing on me with no explanation, but starting this conversation at confrontational and angry doesn’t feel right.
“Dan,” I say, fixing my lips in an upward curve. “It’s great to see you after such a long time!” My voice is full of warmth and surprise, and fuck, I can do convincing well when I want to.
He nods, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. “And you.” Tightness creeps around his eyes. “It was a shock to see you in Johannesburg,” he says slowly.He’s treading cautiously. He sinks back down onto the sofa, and I perch on the edge of the seat opposite him like a bird about to take flight.
“Yes!” I nod.Too much, Liss, not so manic. His tan skin is glowing in the afternoon sun, light catching the blond in his hair. Did he always look so indecently handsome? I try not to bare my teeth at him.
“I was surprised to see you too,” I say, pushing forward. I don’t want him to think that my visit to South Africa was to chase after him when he tried so hard to hide. “I came down there in an attempt to sort out our supply issues. I had no idea how big a problem the strike was across South Africa.”
If I talk about work, my racing heart will slow down, and I can deal with the fact he is standing right here, talking.
“I think you were waiting afterward to say hello,” he says, tipping his head sideways in a familiar gesture.
Say hello?Like we’re two casual friends who are always bumping into each other. And I can’t say I ran because I worked out that he had a kid and couldn’t face him.
“Yes. I’m sorry I dashed off. You were clearly tied up, and I didn’t want to disturb you. It would have been nice to say hello, but you didn’t need to come all the way up here. We could have caught up another time. I’m sure I’ll be back in South Africa.” I laugh, and even to my ears it sounds false. “Certainly, if these transportation problems continue.”
His face pinches. “No, we couldn’t do that, Liss. I couldn’t wait.”
Oh, shit. “Oh! Okay.”
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for three years.”
My eyebrows rise into my hairline.He’sbeen wanting? He disappeared onme. And what the fuck? He could have got in touch with me—he knew my details. I’m on social media for God’s sake. My heart sinks. I think I’m about to be fed some explanation and excuses I don’t want to hear. After all my work to find him, afterthree years, it tears at something deep inside.I let it go.It feels wrong to bring it back up, like reliving a bad dream over and over. Either he was already married, or he went straight into another relationship and had a child. Both options make me nauseous.
I wave my hand. “You don’t owe me an explanation. It doesn’t matter now.”
He frowns. A muscle ticks in his jaw, as if he’s fighting something. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was anger. What’s he got to be angry about?
