Page 27 of The Secret
“God, this is awful,” I say. “Like the shittiest decision I’ve made in my entire life.”
With a reciprocal press of my hand, he says, “We’ll survive it, Liss.”
And my breath stalls as I gaze up at him.What does that mean?Is it a comment about us getting through this, or is he implying we’ll recover on our own separately? Where is my relationship radar? I mess up every one I have, and by God this feels like a mess to me.
When we reach the barriers, he turns, pulling me to the side and into his body, arms wrapped all the way around me. He hasn’t done this much in the last two weeks, and an ache starts deep inside me.
“I’m sorry I’ve been distant,” he mumbles into my hair. “I’ve found it very hard to be okay with this decision, but I understand.”
Words rush up my throat and spill out. “Have I fucked this up? Forgive me, I …”
He shakes his head. “I know you need to go.”
Pulling back, I say, “This is real, right? You feel it too?” And I am out on a limb now, I’ve never taken a risk like this.
And my stomach is like a hive of bees as he stares off to the side, mouth tight. But when he cups my face in his hands and his eyes come back to mine, I’m shocked to see they’re bright with tears.
“Of course, Liss, Jesus. All we’ve done these four months? You don’t even have to ask. It’s been the best time of my life.”
Tears spill over and down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry I’m going.”
“Promise me you’ll come back.”
I nod. “I promise. Nothing will get in the way of this. Once I’ve got some money, I’ll come back, and we’ll work out what we’re going to do.”
“Or I’ll come to you, whatever works.”
“Whatever works.”
He squeezes me tighter, groaning. “I can’t let you go.”
Laughing, I slide my hands into his back pockets. “Me neither.”
With a shaky exhale, his lips find mine and I open my mouth under his, heart beating like it wants to explode out of my chest. Warm palms cradle my face, then he steps back abruptly, eyes still wet, as he jerks his hand through his hair.
“You’d better go. I don’t want to make you miss your plane.”
I nod, picking up my backpack that’s slipped to our feet. The hum of the airport returns, the banging of trays in security, the murmur of voices.
“See you, Liss,” he says, eyes bright on mine, deep grooves bracketing his mouth, and I think I will remember the look of pain in his eyes for the rest of my life. He turns abruptly with a flap of his hand and strides away. My lips part as I stare at his retreating back.But, God, I understand. Tears blur his outline, and my last glimpse is his shoulder and blond head before he’s enveloped by the crowd.
“I love you, Dan,” I whisper, too scared to say it to his face. The urge to chase after him and tell him is overwhelming, but I turn toward the lines of people, wading through molasses as I’m swallowed by the system that flings us far away from the ones we love.
14
LISS
Monday, May 6, 2019
Jo’s spoon falls into her saucer with a clatter. “Remind me why you came back here again?”
I growl at her, and Kate laughs. But something warm burns in my stomach for the first time since I landed with these two sitting opposite me. It’s been a very depressing twenty-four hours back with my parents in New Jersey so far, but at least Kate thinks I can move back into the apartment.
“You finally find a decent guy, spend four months with him, have a tearful farewell where you basically tell each other they’re the one …”
“Well, not exactly …”
“Where you basically tell each other they’re the one …” Jo repeats loudly over me, garnering some stares from the table next door.
