Page 14 of Dared
She told me it was because she wanted us to take more time to get to know each other, and I appreciated that sentiment, but I knew instinctively that it was more than that. Paula was nervous about losing control and hurting me, I knew it instinctively. I just didn’t know how to broach the topic.
All I knew was that I was a horny mess and desperate for something to clear my head. Between work and making new friendships and trying to figure out what was going on in Paula’s head, I was getting more and more anxious by the day. Plus I’d totally wasted my free month at Club Surrender, damn it.
I needed a spanking. And sex. I’d settle for one or the other at this point though.
I decided to call in reinforcements. Club Surrender was usually pretty quiet on Tuesday nights, so I headed over there about an hour before closing time. When I walked in Tracie and Angela were having a drink at the bar with Mistress Lauren, her girlfriend Kristina working behind the bar.
“Hey girl.” Tracie got up to pull me into a tight hug. “It’s nice to see you.”
She studied my face for a beat. “What’s wrong?”
Tracie and I had always been close friends. Close enough that we’d dated briefly before we realized that we were much better in a platonic relationship.
“I need some advice,” I said.
Lauren stood up. “Is this personal? I can go somewhere else.”
“No,” I answered, looking around at the assembled group. “I’d appreciate advice from any of you.”
She moved down a stool and I slid in between Lauren and Tracie. Kristina poured me a shot of the high-end bourbon the rest of them were drinking. I took a bracing sip, the liquid warming my insides on the way down.
“Is this about Paula?” Tracie asked. “I can’t help but notice that neither one of you has been around the club lately.”
“Yeah. We’ve been dating for a month now, but she refuses to get physical beyond some kissing.”
“Is she edging you or something?” Tracie asked.
“There has to be physical contact for edging,” I reminded her. “Kissing doesn’t cut it. She won’t even touch my boob damn it.”
“I don’t understand. You two slept together here at the club that night, right?” Kristina asked.
I didn’t bother inquiring how she knew that. The gossipy bartender seemed to know everything that happened at Club Surrender.
“We did. It was her first solo scene after her dominatrix training though and she got kind of freaked out afterward,” I explained. “She likes me, in fact I’m pretty sure that she’s in love with me the same as I am with her, but I think she’s afraid to have sex with me again.”
“Did she say why?” Angela asked.
“She thinks she’s going to lose control somehow and really hurt me.”
Paula and I had spent a lot of time talking over the past four weeks. That was definitely one benefit of not having sex, it left more time for conversation. We’d shared our hopes and fears, as well as some painful parts of our histories. I understood why she felt the way she did, I just didn’t understand how to help her get over her fears. I was hoping someone here did.
Angela nodded thoughtfully as she considered my words.
“Sometimes that happens with the new dommes,” she explained. “Maybe not to this extent, but they get nervous. I mean, we all do in the beginning. There’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, as we all know, and until you get a sense for how people react to things, it can be nerve wracking trying to give people the amount of pain or submission they need without crossing the line.”
I appreciated her explanation. In all my time visiting BDSM clubs it had never occurred to me that the dominants were at all nervous about hurting me beyond the way I wanted to be hurt. But it made sense, especially given that different people had different pain tolerances. It was a lot of responsibility being a dominant. I was surprised they had fun at all, given all the pressure on them.
“I think I’ll give her a call and see if she wants to talk,” Angela said. “I’ve been meaning to check in with all the new dominants from the training classes, I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. It might help if I can explain that what she’s feeling is totally normal.”
“Then you need to create a plan to seduce her,” Tracie piped up.
My eyes flew to hers. “What?”
“If she’s stuck in this anxiety loop, maybe you might need to just push her enough to move past it. You know, like when they tell you to wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it to distract yourself from obsessive thoughts?”
I frowned.
“How the hell am I supposed to do that?” I asked. “I’m supposed to be the submissive here.”
