Page 91 of When She Falls (The Fallen)
“How old were you when you got made?” I ask when the waitress walks away.
He folds his arms over his chest. “Twenty-three. Dem was my sponsor.”
“Did you get a speech about what it meant to join the family?”
“Sure. No way around it.
“What did they say to you?”
He shrugs. “The usual. The clan is my one true family, above my parents, my friends, my future wife and kids. As long as I stay loyal, I’ll be taken care of. If there’s a problem, I bring it to the don, and he’ll fix it for me. And if I die, I die with the peace of knowing that the people I love would be all right.” He shakes his head. “I never bought a word of it at the time.”
Surprise unfolds inside my chest. “What?”
“They were empty words. Sal was the man who murdered Dem’s father, and instead of taking care of Dem, he did everything he could to make him fail. It was Dem’s ingenuity, street smarts, and sheer persistence that got him to where he was. Plus, I didn’t need Sal to take care of me. Dem had already done that for years. I swore my loyalty to the clan, but to me, the clan was and is Dem. I would raze them all to the ground if he asked.”
I blink. “When I got that speech, it made a very different impact.”
He arches a brow. “Don’t tell me your Papà brought you to an initiation.”
“Of course not. I got a version of it from Mamma when I was around ten. She told me that our family should always be my top priority. That if I serve it well, it will serve me. I’ll never have to carry my problems on my own shoulders. The family will share the weight and do everything to help me. And the people outside of it would never have my best interests at heart. Going against the family would be going against myself, even if it didn’t seem like it at the time.”
Ras tilts his head. “What did you think of that?”
“She made me feel like I was born into something very special and rare. Like I was lucky to have the life I was given. She said most people get a far worse deal. They have to navigate the world on their own. Not us. We have a community behind us that will always make sure everyone is all right. And we have Papà. As head of the family, he would move mountains to keep us safe. I thought everything he does is for us.”
Emotion swells inside my gut. I drag my palms over my cheeks and wrap them around the sides of my neck. “I bought every word. It’s only tonight that I realized what an idiot I’ve been. After what Papà did to Vale, I started to question his judgment, but I told myself that anyone can make a mistake. Everyone has flaws. But I see it so clearly now. It’s all bullshit. The only person Papà cares about is himself.”
The waitress comes with our order.
“Want to tell me what happened?” Ras asks in a low voice once she leaves us.
I grab my milkshake and suck on the straw. Papà told us the information is confidential, but for once, I don’t feel like I owe him anything.
Ras waits as I slurp my milkshake. The patient look on his face brings me right back to Ibiza, when he took care of me like he did.
Breathe, Gemma.
Screw this. I can’t keep all this inside of me. I need to talk to someone about the catastrophe that’s masquerading as my life.
I squash a napkin inside my fist.
“Papà’s making Rafaele his successor once he retires instead of my brother, Vince.”
Ras furrows his brows. “What?” He sounds as taken aback as I’d expect him to.
“I know.”
He drags a palm over his mouth and leans over the table. “Your father told you this? Tonight?”
“At dinner.”
Ras shakes his head. “He must have a very good reason for doing something like that.”
I nod. “He does. Rafaele is his get-out-of-jail-free card. Papà’s being investigated by the Feds.”
Ras’s eyes widen. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Rafaele’s going to gain control of our family all so that Papà can stay out of jail. Did you know our grandpa did seven years leading up to his death? Plenty of my uncles have done time too. But Papà isn’t interested in all that. He said he’ll remain our don for another five years before Rafaele takes over. I imagine he’ll have a cushy retirement afterward. He must be happy how everything is working out for him.”
