Page 155 of When She Falls (The Fallen)
Horror seeps into my veins as the snapshot turns into a movie. “Oh my God.”
She’s right. I remember now.
That poor little girl.
I was so excited about that cake. It was the most beautiful cake I’d ever seen, with elaborate white flowers piped around it, and syrup-soaked cherries piled in the center. It sparkled. Tito was upset. He’d wanted a rainbow cake with cars on it, but they’d made a mistake at the bakery. He said this cake was too girly, but when his ma gave him a slice, he ate it anyway. That first bite made me close my eyes with pleasure. It wassogood.
But a few minutes later, the whole day was ruined.
I sway.
Cleo jumps to the floor and leads me to sit down in a chair. “You’re remembering now, aren’t you?”
My eyes flood with tears. “Yes. I can’t believe I forgot.”
“That’s just one time. There were so many others. They made you this way, Gem. They made you feel like if you aren’t being perfect and doing all of these things for them, they’ll reject you.”
The truth in her words hits me right in the center of my chest. I fold over, my elbows on my knees and my head between my palms. More memories come flooding in.
Me at age six. Mother’s Day. Mamma doesn’t like the dress I picked out, even though it’s my favorite—midnight blue with little sparkling stars sewn in. She tells me to change out of it because it looks cheap. I tell her I like it. She starts yelling. I start crying. She tears it off me, the buttons getting tangled and pulling out my hair, and throws it in the fire in the living room.“You have two minutes to stop your whining or we’re leaving you at home.”
Vale tries to argue with her, but she’s only nine. When I come out in the dress Mamma wants me to wear, the anger leaves Mamma’s expression. She smiles.“There, Gemma. The pink dress looks so much better on you. You’re a completely different girl.”
My fingers drift over my lips. It feels like a veil has been lifted, and I can see clearly for the first time.
“I can’t believe I forgot.”
“Maybe that’s what you had to do for it not to hurt so much.”
I meet Cleo’s gaze. “But you didn’t.”
Her eyes are shining. “I stopped playing their game a long time ago. And so can you.”
“I don’t know how,” I mumble through the tears that are now dripping down my face. “Ras told me I was enough for him, but I didn’t believe him.”
“Oh, Gem.” She pulls me into her arms. “How could you believe him when you’ve been told your whole life that you’re not? But he was telling you the truth. You are more than enough.”
I clutch onto Cleo and squeeze my eyes shut as my emotions threaten to overwhelm me.
I don’t think I’ve ever understood the damage our parents have done until now. They’ve robbed us of so much.
A happy childhood.
A loving family.
A mind that’s not filled with fear and doubts.
But worst of all, they robbed me of Ras.
And I let them.
CHAPTER33
RAS
It’s fucking March,and New York is still a concrete refrigerator.
I pull my coat tighter around me while I wait at the crosswalk, watching a car tread through a pool of icy brown slush.
