I inhaled, exhaled fast and shallow, choking back the bile that always rose when I thought about what had happened. The memories had been buried. Right up until Roger/Vernon had decided to tell me, a couple of years back, in horrific detail the things that had been done to me. Not at the club. But when I was a child. Not only did he tell me, he sent it via text, again in email, as though he got off on reliving it, seeing it through my eyes.
“Tomorrow, I’m taking you to the doctor,” Ian said firmly. “Let’s get some tests done.”
I nodded. “I’ve had them done. Every three months. Last one was right after…”
“And…?”
“God was looking after me in one area,” I said harshly. “I have no STDs, and I’m HIV negative.” I nodded toward the phone. “I can pull them up. Show you.”
Ian frowned. “I believe you.”
“I’m sorry you had to read that.”
“You’re sorry?” Ian barked. “That fucker…” He exhaled with a rough growl. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
He looked at me, and I swore there were tears in his eyes. It pained me to know I’d hurt him like that. I didn’t want to think about how Isaac would take the news when Ian told him.
“Do you remember it?” Ian asked, control masking his features.
“I didn’t. Not until…” I nodded toward the phone. “He had installed a camera in my father’s attic. Told me in an email. Said he was so angry when he learned my father was … let’s just say my old man was making a lot of money off me.”
“Which explains why Vernon wanted to buy you,” Ian mused, his eyes dropping to the island. “So those other men couldn’t have you.”
“Yeah.” I’d thought about that, too. And it wasn’t because Roger wanted to save me. No, he simply preferred to be the only one to hurt me.
“How did Roger … Vernon … whatever the fuck. How did he approach you at Inferno?”
I clasped my hands in front of me. “I’d been a member for about a week, had gone several times but never ended up playing with anyone. A couple of females offered, but I politely declined. I was starting to think they didn’t want me there. I decided on that Friday night, if I didn’t meet anyone who interested me, I wasn’t coming back. That night he approached when I was sitting in the community room by myself.”
“How did he know you were there?”
“He followed me.” I shrugged. “Not sure how long he’d been tracking me, but he eventually told me he had always kept his eye on me. I guess he got a membership there after I started going.” I swallowed, continued. “He came across as a nice guy, never mentioned he was a Sadist. Asked if I enjoyed pony play. Told him I wasn’t really interested. He urged me to give it a shot, to let him show me how enjoyable it could be.” I kept my eyes on my hands. “It wasn’t bad. He smacked me a couple of times with a crop, never asked for sex. I thought perhaps it could get interesting if I gave it a shot. So, I met him the next night. We spent the evening talking, then he suggested I try the spanking bench.
“Again, not terrible. I didn’t care much for it, but he seemed to know what he was doing. Asked me to meet him the next weekend. I agreed. Showed up on Friday night, he was waiting for me. Said he already had a room reserved for us. It was a private room.” I looked up at Ian. “At Inferno, their private rooms don’t have safety protocols. No viewing windows. I didn’t even know that was a thing until Everly was telling me about Dichotomy.” I exhaled my frustration. “He locked us into the room and that night … he was different. Meaner, I guess. He said he’d thought about me all week and couldn’t stop. It made me feel good, I guess. He was telling me he wanted me. I’d needed to be wanted.”
“You kept going back?”
I nodded. “I craved the attention.”
“Did he insist on sex?”
“Yes.”
“Did he force you?”
“Yes. But he said it was role-playing. That he wanted me to be the innocent victim. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. He was rough. I didn’t care for it, but when I told him as much, he would praise me for playing the role. The first time I didn’t meet him, he showed up at my house. Everly didn’t live there yet. He played the wounded role, said I was hurting him, and he didn’t want to lose me. Begged me to go back to the club. I told him I’d give him another chance.”
“Nothing changed?”
“Oh, it did. For one weekend. He toned it down, focused on me a little. He told me I was too naive, that he needed to train me. Said it was his ultimate goal in life to show me what it meant to be owned by someone. Him. He would drag me naked around the club on my hands and knees, offering me to other Doms for the right price. He had no takers. None that were willing to pay him, anyway.”
