“Why’re you kneeling?” Zeke questioned as the front door closed behind him.
Those black eyes shot over to me, but I shrugged and looked away. This was between Brax and Zeke. While the three of us were involved, I knew Brax was taking responsibility for his actions yesterday. Whatever Zeke opted to do was up to him. I couldn’t be part of it, even if I wanted to.
“I owe you an apology, Zeke.”
I watched in awe, my stomach churning with fear. Fear for Brax. Fear for Zeke. I wasn’t sure either one of them knew what they were doing. I sensed Zeke was battling something internally while it was obvious Brax wanted a do-over. The question was, could we? Could we start over with Zeke? He already knew Brax wanted something he had never agreed to offer.
Not that I knew what that was. For the first time in the two years Brax and I had been together, I couldn’t read him. I wasn’t sure what his angle was. Did he simply want to submit to Zeke? Was he doing this for himself? Or was he being a martyr here? Giving Zeke and me what we needed? I wouldn’t put it past him. Brax was one of the most selfless men I’d ever met. He was so fucking good to me, sometimes I wondered how I’d gotten so lucky.
“What’re you apologizing for?” Zeke asked, his tone neutral.
“For my actions these past few days, Zeke. You deserve more from me.”
Zeke seemed to wave him off, as though what he was offering didn’t matter.
“It’s done and over, cowboy. I don’t care anymore.”
That had my back straightening. How could he be so aloof? Was I right? Was Zeke writing us off already?
“But I care,” Brax said, his head still down.
“And that’s the problem,” Zeke snapped, his eyes blazing with restrained fury. “You’re not supposed to fucking care. This isn’t about feelings, fuck toy.”
While his words said otherwise, I got the sneaking suspicion that Brax wasn’t the only one concerned about the direction this was headed. Try as we might, no one could predict how this would turn out. Sure, the three of us had walked into this with our eyes wide open.
So why did it feel as though everything was changing?
TWENTY-ONE
ZEKE
THE LAST THING I EXPECTED to find when I came home was a naked masochist kneeling in my entryway. I wanted to be angry at him for fucking this all up, but I had to respect his ability to own up to it. I hadn’t gone easy on him yesterday, even less last night when I dismissed them both.
In my defense, I had needed time to stew in my own frustration. I had gotten nothing out of that scene. It was one of the rare times I’d been intent on punishing. That wasn’t the man I was. I didn’t do things because I was pissed. Those who said I did were ignorant. They knew nothing about me. And I liked it that way. It allowed me to keep my distance. That way I could pick and choose who I wanted to play with, and when they always expected the worst, they would never be disappointed.
However, I had no idea what the cowboy expected from me. Did he think I gave a shit that he’d pouted and sulked, jealous of something that wasn’t even there? Because I didn’t. He already had a relationship with the pretty boy. He didn’t need that from me. I was the instrument they were using to live out the fantasy. In the grand scheme of things, I was nothing. More importantly, I was temporary.
“Get up, fuck toy,” I demanded.
Brax slowly got to his feet, but he didn’t lift his head.
“What do you want from me?” I asked, glowering at him, my anger morphing into something potent.
“I deserve your punishment, Zeke,” he said softly.
“Punishment?” I barked a laugh. The cowboy was off his meds. No one in their right mind would ask me for punishment. The pain was for fun. It fueled the flames that lived within us all. Punishment at my hand was a world unlike anything they’d ever experienced before.
“Yes, Zeke,” he confirmed.
“Do you even know what you’re asking for?”
The cowboy’s eyes lifted to mine for the first time since I walked in the door.
“No, Zeke. But I still deserve it.”
I hated that I saw the truth in his eyes. The emerald depths glittered with honesty. He truly believed he wanted my punishment and it struck a chord deep down. I fought it back, refusing to give in to that niggling feeling. The one that had me wanting more, wanting to explore this to see if it could possibly be real. I knew better. It wasn’t real. And I wasn’t stupid.
“You understand my punishment is its own brand of hell? I’m not gonna play with your little dick or beat on you until you come. That’s not how it works. I reward good behavior. That’s the only time I’ll touch you.”
