Page 59 of Good Time Boyfriend
I wiped away tears, unaware until then I was even crying.
“You are. But we all are.”
“But we didn’t make up boyfriends to keep you off our backs.” She let out a hollow laugh. “And I suppose us showing up en masse to go confront that boyfriend just reinforced who we were. The bullies who want what they think is best for their little sister. And couldn’t even see that she was happy enough before we forced her to lie.” Maureen walked out at that, but not before I’d seen the tears. Her husband followed, as did Elizabeth.
I pressed my lips together, waiting for someone to say anything. My stepfather raised his hand.
“Thank you for telling us. So, you’re falling for Heath?” he asked, and I smiled, before bursting into tears and running from the room. I needed a moment. I had hurt my sister. I had hurt a lot of them. And I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.
A hand touched my shoulder and I turned to see my mother there, a sad expression on her face. “Devney?”
“I am such an idiot. I made up a boyfriend for a year, and then it turns out I’m falling in love with the real version of him. I don’t know what rom-com tropes I’ve hit, but it’s a little on point.”
My mom laughed. “It’s okay, you know. We are pushy. Heck, I think we’ve interrogated all of the spouses, and then of course we had to interrogate you until you had to make up a partner. We love you so much.”
“I know you do.”
“Good. I’ve always done my best to make sure you knew that you are part of this family. I fell in love with those kids as soon as I became their stepmother. Before, even. I always wanted a big family, and I wasn’t lucky enough to have one with your father before fate took him from us. But then fate gave me another family, and even more after that. Between marrying into the family with William’s children, you, and then having your younger siblings, I have eleven. And I always wanted to make sure that you never felt that you were stuck in the middle.”
“I promise I know you all love me. And I love the loudness and being part of everything. I love the text chains and knowing that I’m never alone. I just sometimes don’t know how to speak up over the noise. I’m doing better. I’m trying. I do it for work, I don’t know why I can’t do it with family.”
My mom pushed my hair back from my face and smiled at me. “I love you. And I get it. And honestly, I kind of knew.”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You were so good about keeping Heath out of the conversation, always deflecting. We just wanted what was best for you, but we didn’t listen. So I let you have your imaginary boyfriend. I know you think you lied, and maybe you did, but you were protecting yourself. Maureen will get over it. Because she’s not mad at you. She’s upset with herself for not seeing it.”
“I know. Maureen is amazing. I never have to fight the world because I’ll know she’ll be right beside me.”
“And sometimes she’ll stand right in front of you and try to fight your battles, even when you don’t want her to.”
“I’ll apologize again.”
“Maybe, if you need to. The rest of us are just happy that you’re happy now. And you are happy with Heath, right?”
I pressed my lips together, playing with my fingers. “I think so? I don’t know. How do you know if you’re in love?”
My mom smiled then, her eyes going dreamy. “I have been blessed to be in love twice in my life. Twice I have found men who are worthy of who I am and who my family is. Twice I have tried to come up with words for what that feeling is, and I can’t. I hate just saying that you just know. There’s a spark inside you that you’re scared of. There’s this part where you want to be with them every moment, but also know that you need some time apart. There’s a part of you that knows that your life is forever altered, and you can see a future—even if it scares the hell out of you. That’s what love is, it’s the fear and the anxiety and the hope and the angst and the passion and the dreams that come with that person. I’ve been lucky twice. And I really hope you’re lucky with Heath.”
I wiped away tears, once again unaware when I started crying. “That’s so beautiful, Mom.”
“I see it in you. That fear and that hope. Bring him by next time. The family will get over it, even if I don’t think there’s anything for them to get over.”
“I should still apologize.”
“And we should apologize to you for sometimes forgetting that we’re allowed a moment of pause. Of quietness. We’re not quite good at that.”
“No. But I don’t mind it. I like the noise.”
As if on cue, somebody in the house screamed, laughing over a game upturned.
My mom just rolled her eyes and held me close.
“So, tell me everything about Heath again. I want to know exactly what it is about this boy.”
My heart did that aching thing again, and I wondered if that was love, or maybe just the fear part. “I don’t know, Mom. I don’t quite know how he feels about me.”
“Well, he’s an idiot if he doesn’t love you.”
