Page 1 of Caged
Janie
Club Surrender was jam packed tonight. I pushed my way through the crowd, looking for my friend Sarah. We’d made plans to watch the rope play demonstration while her fiancée, Marlena, tortured some subs.
When Sarah asked me to come with her to Club Surrender a few months ago, I was thrilled. I’d long had a fascination with BDSM, particularly spanking and bondage, but didn’t feel comfortable going to a club by myself. The minute I walked into Club Surrender for the first time, it was like coming home.
It wasn’t just that this was the first BDSM club in the country that catered only to self-identified women, although that was definitely a selling point. No, it was the sensation of being surrounded by people like me for the first time in my life. People who liked a little pain. People who craved submission. People who were kinky, but not violently so. It was completely freeing.
Tonight I came here with an extra spring in my step. I’d finally kicked my asshole boyfriend Jonathan to the curb. It was a long time coming. We’d dated for years and slowly, so gradually that I hadn’t even noticed it, he’d become mean and controlling. I found myself sneaking around to the activities I liked, including coming here to Club Surrender, because Jonathan didn’t approve of my doing anything but going to work and hanging out at home with him, being at his beck and call.
Jonathan was also emotionally abusive. He was continually criticizing me, insulting me, or gaslighting me in his effort to tear me down and make me and everyone around us think I was crazy.
He hated my relationship with Sarah and had tried to sabotage it multiple times, but fortunately our friendship had withstood everything he tried to do. Sarah hated Jonathan asmuch as he hated her, but she’d always been too nice to say anything.
I knew she worried though. I’d convinced myself that she was overreacting. Until the night that Jonathan insulted me one too many times. When I got angry and told him to stop insulting me, he punched me in the face, leaving me with a black eye and a healthy fear of what he’d do next. He’d apologized of course, and promised that he’d never do it again, but I wasn’t going to wait around to see if it was true.
I took the day off work the next day and moved into Sarah’s apartment. She spent all her time at her girlfriend Marlena’s house anyway and was glad to have me sublease from her. Then I filed a police report, changed all my passwords, got a new phone number, and petitioned for a restraining order.
The domestic violence advocate who was assigned to me by the court helped me see that emotional and financial abuse was still abuse. She helped me create a plan for avoiding my ex and suggested checking my car and purse for tracking devices. I’d found two and flushed them both down the toilet. I’d had no idea that Jonathan’s controlling behavior had gone so far.
The sad thing was that I didn’t even love him. Sure, I thought I had a long time ago, but a combination of inertia and Jonathan convincing me that no one else would want me kept me under his control. Now that the blinders were off, I was pissed at myself for wasting so much time with that asshole.
I knew I hadn’t seen the last of Jonathan, but I was finally taking steps to be independent, and I was pretty damned proud of myself for that. It would be a long time before I considered being in a relationship again, that’s for sure.
“Hey, sweetie!” Sarah walked up to me and threw her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug. “How are you doing?”
“Better now that I’m here,” I said honestly.
Something about Club Surrender calmed my mind, even if I didn’t do a scene. I just wished I could afford to come here more often.
Sarah and I walked around talking as we watched some of the public play scenes, and my eyes caught on a blond woman wearing high heels, a G string, and a tiny bikini top. Sarah’s eyes followed my gaze.
“She’s cute,” Sarah said, her tone imbued with subtext.
I turned to frown at her. “What do you mean?”
“It’s just, well, I know you’ve been with a man for a long time, but have you ever thought about being with a woman?”
“Are you trying to recruit me to the lesbians now, Sarah?” I teased. “Is there a quota you have to meet or something?”
I was deflecting. The truth was, I’d been attracted to women for a long time. I just didn’t know what to do with that, especially when I was in a heterosexual relationship. I needed to spend some time working on myself before I even considered dating anyone, man or woman.
“I get a toaster oven if I convince you to join Team Lesbian,” she replied, referencing an old joke about ‘turning’ women into lesbians.
“I’m not opposed to being with a woman,” I admitted. “I’ve found myself, uh, a little bit attracted to a couple of the dommes when we were doing scenes. But I’ve never even kissed a woman.”
“Not even in college?” Sarah seemed surprised.
“Nope. But I’m realizing that I’m attracted to more than one kind of person.” My face flamed, even though there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
“Well, my budding bisexual, you’re at the perfect place to experiment. And when you decide that you’re ready to date, just let me know. Between me and Marlena, I’m sure we know someone who would be a good match for you.”
I linked my arm with her and led her towards the stage as someone announced that the rope play demo was about to start.
“Do you get the toaster oven when I agree to a date? Or do I actually have to have sex first for it to count?”
“I’ll have to check the bylaws and get back to you.”
Skye
