Page 143 of Studs Up
“No,” I said.
“Please don’t let him go,” Alex said. “Don’t let the love of your life go. You will regret it.”
“No, Alex.”
“I’m not a fan, you know that. But you both love each other, and there’s a chance it can work for you.”
“Okay,” I spun around. “Yeah, that was totally unexpected, and I am grateful. You know how much that meant. But do you want to tell them it’s Nolan in that picture? That I’m in love with him? What the fuck do you think they’ll make of that?”
“Why do you care what they think about that? I get it, soccer is life, but Nolan is your life, too.”
“I will not fucking bring him into this.” The picture of us in bed flashed through my mind, and anguish poisoned my blood. “I will not put him through this. I will not live two lives. I will not have my team hate me because of who I love.”
“They don’t hate you.”
“They don’t hate me because I’m gay,” I slammed my hand on the wall. The apartment shook with my anger. “They will hate me because I love him. His team will hate him. And you were so fucking right, Alex. The fans will turn on both of us. He will lose out on everything.” I was shouting by the end.
“Holden.”
“Fuck off, Alex,” I shouted. I was done. So fucking done with all of it. I stalked to the spare bedroom and slammed the door. Alex didn’t make a noise for the rest of the night, not a peep, squeak, or even a soft footstep walking down the hall. It was me and my dark, lonely silence.
…
In the morning, I was alone. Alex wasn’t in his room or anywhere else in his apartment. He must have left. I had chased away my best friend from his own home, like the stellar man I was.
As I stepped outside with my suitcase, Rafa was waiting for me, parked on the street, leaning against his car.
“You really made Sam happy giving him that pie.”
I shrugged.
“Get in,” he grinned.
“Where are we going?”
“To the bus.”
“I can drive myself,” I said, forgetting that I didn’t have my car.
“The press is there, and no one is going to let you go through that alone.” He nodded to the street where a variety of sports cars, sedans, and a minivan were all idling and waiting.
“Jesus Christ,” I murmured. “You guys are going to make me cry.”
“Get it out in the car. Don’t want you to be all splotchy when they take your pictures.”
I rolled my eyes. Alex was in his car with Charlemagne and Sam folded in the back. He didn’t wave when Charlemagne did.
Nolan
I didn’t believe his bullshit, not for a second. Okay, I did for a few seconds. He was scared, and I hated myself every minute I wasn’t with him.
I spent the day wrapping up all the loose ends because I had a plan. I hoped it was a good plan, but I wouldn’t know until I talked to him.
I was surprised, he answered.
“What?”
“How bad is it?” I asked.
