Page 130 of Studs Up
Anger flared.
I typed out ‘fuck you,’ but when it came to sending it. I couldn’t. My thumb hovered over the little arrow, and I couldn’t push it. I was a coward. A big fucking coward.
I wanted to trust Nolan and hope he would find a way out for us. It felt like the only option was to do it myself. Come out and pray that I was valuable enough to keep. Even if that was the case, was that worth going through? Rejected in the locker room and subjected to the hate from other players in the league? I didn’t even want to think about fan reactions and what would be said online.
I didn’t think I could do it. And now I was faced with the choice I knew was coming. I was a fool to believe I could get away with it this time.
But Nolan wasn’t Allen. Nolan was so much more, and I just couldn’t let that go.
I broke my promise and didn’t tell Nolan about the text. I didn’t call him in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. I kept it to myself.
I hoped to get through the finals and then deal with it in the off season.
I went about my life as normal. Seattle got the top seed, and the Western Conference Final would be a repeat of last year.
…
There were three days until the final. I could get through this. It was the mantra I told myself. It wasn’t working.
The locker room was loud and buzzing. Knowing we were going against the Guardians again added a special level of spice. The fans were hyping up and the energy was going to get more intense as we got closer to the final.
I ignored the text from the blackmailer. I pretended as though it didn’t exist.
The excitement in the room was good. The team felt good, looked good, and was ready. Tomorrow we’d board a bus and head up to Seattle for one last training session on their field.
Every phone chimed, including mine. The silence that fell as I grabbed my phone was soul sucking. A link from the unknown number sent me to an article from a Guardian fan gossip site where pictures had been posted.
Pictures of me and a man, nuzzling into my neck. Nolan had been altered, but a very masculine form, and the way I tilted my head and the aroused look on my face left no question that I was definitely with a man.
I got another text.
Imagine what the fans will think when they find out you’re taking Nolan Reed’s cock.
The text was followed up by a second series of pictures. This one was a completely different picture. It was grainy and the lighting was dark but there was no mistaking me, riding Nolan in my fucking bedroom. It was a clear shot of his face, a moment of pure, raw ecstasy. The face he made when he was cumming inside me.
There was a camera in my house. If they had this photo, they had more, a lot more. They would have videos of us fucking. Everything in me roiled. My gut and my heart tumbled together, twisting and knotting. My blood curdled and my vision got hazy. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs wouldn’t expand for air. They were tightly sealed and I was suffocating.
All in my home.
They had everything. Everything to destroy us, ruin us.
I felt the eyes. Every single one of them. I felt the questions, shock, and disgust fill the locker room. The eyes burned, blistering boils all over me.
“What the fuck?” Someone breathed behind me. The voice was muffled through the rushing blood in my ears.
“Holden,” Alex said and I didn’t know where he came from. He was just there. Not knowing what else to do, I bolted.
The hall that led to the door that led outside stretched on and on, and no matter how fast I went, I never got closer to the door until suddenly I was outside, and the mid fall sun was glaringly bright. It burned my skin and my eyes. There was a small park that bordered the fields and I ran for it.
In the middle of a clump of trees was a giant fern. Good enough. My stomach decided to empty itself right there.
I heaved until I there was nothing left. My phone wouldn’t stop buzzing in my hand. Texts and calls from Nolan.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say. He would try and make it better for me. Sooth me and then turn around and take on the world. Ruining us both in the process. All of his dreams, going up in a puff of smoke, and he would be forgotten by history. He deserved to be celebrated and he sure as fuck didn’t deserve me.
“Hey,” Alex gently approached me, slowly. My throat was raw and my tongue with thick with bile.
He handed me a water bottle but I didn’t think I could drink it and keep it down.
