Page 134 of Studs Up
There had been no one in that bathroom. I was careful, we were careful. This should never have happened. My brain was spinning out and I couldn’t process any of this. I promised him safety, a fucking fortress and I failed.
“Holy shit,” Taylor said. “What the fuck is this?”
“Monroe’s gay?” Diaz said.
“Got a fucking problem with that?” I snapped before I could stop myself.
“Uh,” he looked at me, surprised. “No…”
I pulled out my phone and moved toward my car. Holden had to be melting down and he was so fucking far away he might as well be on another fucking planet.
I needed to get to Portland as fast as possible. I needed to get to him.
I called him and it went unanswered. I texted as I pulled out of the parking lot and nothing. I called when I gassed up and I texted when I got back in the car. His silence was a chasm of pain. I felt it stretching through the miles between us.
He finally answered just as I hit Vancouver.
“Holden,” I answered. Thank fuck. “I’m on my way.”
“You need to turn around,” he said so quietly I couldn’t hear him.
“Fuck no.”
“Nolan, this isn’t going to work. I need you to go home and never call me again.”
“Holden,” I growled. “We’re not doing this.”
“I am. I cant do this and you. I can’t. You had to know this was coming.”
“We talked about this,” I said and fought so hard to keep control. My eyes burned, and my fingers dug into my palms around the steering wheel.
“We do this together. I’m not fucking going anywhere.”
“It’s over. I have to choose, and I choose my career.”
“You can have both.”
“I loved what we did. But it’s over now and I can’t have you hanging on like this will all work out like sunshine and rainbows. It was never going to happen.”
“Holden,” I had to pull over. I was so furious I couldn’t see straight. The side of the highway was not the best place, but it was the only place to go. “What happened was bullshit. We’ll go to the police and find this guy and put him the fuck away.”
“No,” he said evenly and quietly. “I made a mistake kissing you and letting it get this far.”
I was losing him. He was slipping further and further away.
“Let me be there for you,” I said. “Please. I love you.”
“No.” His answer was shockingly firm. “Don’t ever call me again.”
On the side of the highway, I held the phone to my ear. Holden had hung up a long time ago. Cars sped by, each one blasting me with a wave of air that rocked the car.
This was what he was afraid of. That bastard told him to break up with me and he did it.
I threw my phone and roared. I slammed my palms into my steering wheel until it bent and then slumped in my seat, gasping and seething.
He loved me. He said he loved me. I screamed until I couldn’t anymore. He said he loved me.
A group text sent to the team startled me out of my grief. Coach called us all in for a team meeting.
