Page 131 of Studs Up
“I think everyone in the league got that text,” he said quietly. I turned back to the fern and dry heaved. The gritty edges of the bark cut into my fingers as I clutched a tree. Everyone. The whole world knew and if I didn’t end it with Nolan, they would know about him too. They would see it with their own eyes.
“Frank called. Goldstone and Max want you down at the stadium.”
Frank was our PR rep. Goldstone owned the team and Max was our general manager. When those three called you in. You were fucked.
My life was being shredded one layer at a time. Going to the stadium meant facing the end of my career.
Alex took my arm and started steering me to the parking lot. The eyes were on me. Some of the team and staff were hanging around outside and I felt their stares as Alex put me in his car and we drove directly to the heart of Portland.
Frank was waiting for us. He was a small man in a perfectly tailored suit with a crisp magenta pocket square that matched his tie, and a very tall pompadour.
“Management and Santos are already in the conference room,” he started without so much as a hello as he led us to the elevator. Christ, Coach was here too. “We are drafting a statement for you to read. The league is also drafting one and working with the national team front office. It’s already been reported that those pictures were taken in Nashville while you were at call up.”
I swayed. I wanted to vomit again, but there was nothing left. The doors slid open and Frank stepped inside with an expectant look.
“Frank,” Alex growled. “Look at him.”
Frank took me in and suddenly I became a human being.
“Oh god,” his eyes widened as he held out a hand for me to help me cross what felt like a threshold of doom. “I’m sorry Holden. This is the worst thing that could happen to any of us.”
Alex and I looked at him.
“What?” He said. “How many straight guys look like this,” he waved at himself with a proud smile.
“You’re gay?” Alex’s mouth dropped.
“Bi,” he said. “And if you two didn’t have your heads so far up your asses your gaydar would work better.” He looked at Alex up and down. “I’m not stupid you know.”
Alex swallowed.
“Don’t worry,” Frank said. “We’ll deal with you later.”
Alex shouldn’t be here. He was going to get caught in the cross fire. I needed to tell him to go but we were now stuck in a metal box riding up to my fate and I didn’t even have the ability to form words.
I was grateful he was my friend and he still wanted to be here. But he shouldn’t be anywhere near me.
The walk down the hall, passed the offices and cubicles felt like I was being lead to my death and everyone wanted to gawk at the dead man.
My phone buzzed nonstop in my pocket and I pulled it out. Nolan had called what looked like a hundred times.
My stomach churned. The calls were mixed with texts and all of them demanding that I call him back. I turned it off and put the phone back in my pocket. Resentment filled my heart. I had let myself fall in love, thinking I could get away with it.
The echo of his voice in the back of my head made me sway. ‘Let me do it. Let me soften the blow.’
My stomach lurched again. Part of me screamed to go back to that moment and say yes, unload this burden on someone else. The other part reminded me of the burden Nolan was willing to bear because he loved me and I was swaying again.
The conference room was full of people I hoped never to see in the same room waiting for me. Alex was instructed to wait outside, and I walked in alone.
Benedict Goldstone, sat at the top of the table with his most insulting look and Max Brown sat next to him, Coach was at the other end and they placed me in the middle. Frank took a seat across from me. Santos gave me a sympathetic look, but I didn’t know what that meant.
“Is this real?” Benedict Goldstone, anger simmered under the professional tone he took. He was a dick. I hated him. A lot of the fans did too, so this reaction wasn’t a surprise.
“Yes,” I said. My voice was broken and strained.
“You’re gay?” Coach asked. I turned to look at him. He didn’t look as angry Benedict or as disappointed as Max.
“Yes.”
