Page 125 of Studs Up
I tried not to think about the future. I knew he did. He mentioned the off season in passing and made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere.
If he wasn’t going anywhere how would he survive what was coming? The blackmailer knew about him. Time was ticking down.
He kept saying he didn’t care what people thought of him and that might be true but when the eyes of the world were on him it would be different. I wasn’t sure that even the great Nolan Reed could survive that.
But all we talked about was my life, not his. I had made it all about me when it wasn’t anymore. Regardless of how this all played out, he was in it for better or worse. What would this do to him? And that’s when it hit me.
“Oh my god,” I breathed.
“What?”
“I’m a selfish prick,” I said.
“I know.”
I lifted my head to find him smiling at his book. He turned the page.
“Why are you a selfish prick this time?”
I glared at him, his smile broadened.
“The only thing we’ve been doing is talking about how this affects me.”
Even though he suggested coming out, it was centered around me, not him. God, I was such a prick.
“That’s not the only thing we’ve been doing.” The smirk was expected and adorable, but I was trying to be serious.
“Nolan,” I said. He closed his book on his thumb and let it rest on the coffee table.
“What?” His other hand ran through my hair and I almost forgot the conversation we needed to have.
“We haven’t talked about how this will affect you,” I said. In his lovingly forceful way, he pressed my head back down to his chest. His heart thumped evenly, not even the slightest bit bothered by this conversation.
“This will affect me in exactly the way it will affect you.”
“I know,” I said. “That’s the problem.”
“No, sweetheart,” he said, gently. “I want to shield you from it all. I don’t want to see how much it will hurt you. I don’t fucking care about what everyone will think of me. They can fuck right off. I want to stand in front of you and keep it all away.”
I tried not to tear up, as his fingers tenderly stroked my head.
“Nolan, I don’t deserve you.”
“I swear to god, I am going to fuck that right out of you.”
I smiled.
“My statement stands.”
“As does mine,” he murmured.
“It will affect you,” I said.
“Maybe,” he said. “But nothing will hurt me more than seeing you in pain.”
I tightened my hold around him. I didn’t know what to say to that. No one had ever said anything like that to me. I don’t think anyone as ever loved me as much as Nolan Reed did.
“I love you,” I whispered. There it was. His heart, right under my ear, skipped a beat.
