Page 124 of Studs Up
“Holden,” I kissed his temple. “I am pretty confident I have been in love with you since I slide tackled you in our first meeting.”
He laughed, tilting his head to the stars and laughed.
“I fell in love with you in that game, too,” he said. “I love you.”
He lifted himself up to kiss me. Soft, freezing cold lips met mine, and I didn’t let him go until he was warm and pliable.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“I’m hate this.”
“I know,” I said again.
“I never wanted you in the middle of this.”
I sighed, opened my mouth.
“If you say, ‘I know’ again, I’m going to knee you in the balls,” he muttered. I snorted.
“I have one more thing,” I said and swallowed my fucking pride. “I’m sorry.”
His mouth fell open.
“What do you have to be sorry for?”
“I was too blunt this morning. I just wanted to explore the idea. I’m not going to do anything to hurt you. If coming out hurts you, I’m not going to fucking do it.”
I disagreed with it wholeheartedly, but he wasn’t there yet. In the off season, we could have a more in depth, gentler conversation. For now, we’d table it.
“Nolan,” he took a breath and closed his eyes. “I know where you were coming from. I get it.” He opened his eyes. The moon reflected perfectly in his irises, and good god, I was so fucking in love with this man that I was going to explode. “I appreciate it. But that would make it worse.”
“Okay,” I kissed his forehead.
Holden
“I’m scared.” I burrowed into his neck, and he held on tight. The fight was over. The discussion wasn’t. And that was okay. I needed him, and he wasn’t going to give up on me. He loved me so much he wanted to be my shield, and how could I be mad at him for that? He kissed my temple and held me tighter.
There were no words to make any of this better, and Nolan was wise enough not to try. He held me though, and that was enough.
“I know,” he whispered, and I jerked my knee. He moved out of my way with a laugh. I pulled him back. I hadn’t realized how cold it was until the blanket slipped.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said when he tucked me back in. “Promise me one thing.”
I nodded.
“You tell me if he texts you again.” He tucked his fingers under my chin and drew me up. It was his power move that made me weak when I was forced to look in his eyes. “Promise me Holden. Don’t keep this to yourself anymore.”
“Promise.”
…
The rest of the stay was exactly the dream I wanted it to be. There was very little internet and the cabin was filled with books and chopped wood for fires. A vast majority of our time was spent in bed or competing against each other during our workouts.
But my favorite part was after dinner, Nolan stretched out on the couch with a book and he pulled me down with him. I laid with my head on his chest and watched the fire or the snow through the light filtering out of the windows.
I replayed every moment we’ve ever had together, from the moment we met up to lying in front of the fire, and marveled at how we got here.
