Page 113 of Studs Up
“Then were good.” He went back to eating his toast, and that was the end of that conversation.
“Okay,” I smiled. “Well, I woke one morning to a series of texts.” I couldn’t eat and have this conversation. I put my plate down. “An unknown number informed me that I was a slut, and if anyone found out, my contract would be ripped up. They said very horrible things. And I was young. I didn’t read the details of my contract. I saw the dollar signs and put my name on it. I didn’t understand how they worked. I had to figure it all out on my own, but at the time, I really thought if I got caught, they would literally rip up my contract.”
“You were eighteen,” Nolan said. “Didn’t you have someone with you, an agent or something?” I shook my head.
“Not really. The guy I had at the time was a shady shit, and all he saw was dollar signs too.”
“Jesus,” Nolan muttered. He put his plate down and took my hand.
“I got scared,” I whispered. “So I tried to shut it all down and focus on my game. Every once in a while, I went out, especially when Alex came. We figured each other out pretty quickly when we met at practice and then that night at Haven.”
The corner of Nolan’s mouth twitched in a grin.
“But again, the texts. The more I tried to keep my hookups quiet, the angrier the texts became. Nothing I did could keep that asshole from knowing what I was doing. I stopped all of it until I met Allen at one of those charity events, and we hit it off.”
I looked away. It was still painful. Nolan waited. His thumb brushed along the back of my hand. The simple touch offered so much solace.
“I had about six months of absolute secrecy before the texts came, and the harder I tried to keep it quiet, the more strain it put on Allen. He was in law school and under a lot of pressure, and finally, the asshole gave me an ultimatum. Dump him or my career was over.”
“So you dumped him.”
“I think Allen was relieved, to be honest. He didn’t like hiding in the closet. He was out and wanted to live his life. I can't blame him.”
“But you loved him.”
I nodded again.
“After that, I couldn’t do it anymore.” I closed myself up and pretended that life would be fine with just my career, all the while knowing I was dying inside.
Nolan pushed off the counter and vanished down the hall. He returned with my phone.
“Can I read them?” He asked. It was because of how loving and gentle he was that I agreed. If he had been anything else, I would have refused. From the moment in that hotel in Portland, Nolan had been all in, and all in on me. I unlocked my phone and handed it back.
The silence that stretched as he scrolled through my nightmare was freezing cold. Nolan didn’t move as he read them. They were all there.
Finally, Nolan put the phone down, and closed his eyes. He clenched his fists, and the tendons in his neck flexed.
“I’m sorry,” I said. The burden of this was going to be too much. It was too much for me. The difference was, he had the choice on whether or not he wanted to deal with it.
Slowly, his eyes opened, and the blue irises were clear and gentle.
“Don’t apologize for this,” he said. He stepped between my knees and pulled me close to him. “None of this is your fault. Someone out there is trying to ruin you, and you’re trying to survive and have a successful career. It’s a lot, Holden.” His fingers ran through my hair. “Never, ever apologize for what that asshole is doing to you.”
My eyes burned, and I closed them to keep tears from falling. Nolan cupped my cheek and leaned in to kiss me.
“This is a lot, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Too much, and I refuse to let you do it alone.”
Warning bells went off in the back of my head, but I didn’t have the energy to address them. For the first time in my life, someone was comforting me without judgment and knew everything about me. He held me, whispering all the things I needed to hear.
He couldn’t stay much longer after that. I felt his reluctance to leave me. His fingers were always on my skin, keeping contact for as long as possible.
This was why he usually left before I woke. Standing in my foyer, knowing I had to say goodbye, was painful. I didn’t want to let go, and he didn’t want to leave.
I needed him to stay, to feel safe. If he tried to take a day off, if anyone suspected he was here, it would be over.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said, rubbing my arms up and down.
“How?”
