Page 32 of When She Loves
Is he trying to draw it out? To let me sink deeper into my fear?
My fists clench.
Finally, he starts taking off his jacket.
A ball of dread solidifies inside my belly. Despite my best efforts, my thighs squeeze together and my lips begin to tremble. Adrenaline and fear pump through my veins.
I wait for him to climb on top of me, to take what he believes is owed to him.
I count my breaths, readying myself.
But seconds pass and nothing happens.
CHAPTER11
RAFAELE
This is all wrong.
What’s even worse is that I can’t figure out how the fuck we ended up here. I rewind the past twenty-four hours, trying to decipher the mystery that is my wife.
What’s behind her fierce resistance? Is it fear? I didn’t think she was scared of me, but maybe I read her wrong. No matter how badly I want her, no matter how desperately I want to sink inside of her, it can’t be like this.
Never like this.
My stomach roils at the memories that come flooding back. The hardwood floor beneath my bare feet. Dim light coming from the bedside lamp. My mother’s muffled cries amidst my father’s groans. I push off the bed, suddenly feeling horribly exposed even though it’s Cleo lying bare beneath me.
I want her to be willing. An enthusiastic participant, not trembling prey.
She opens her eyes. “What are you waiting for?” No matter how she tries to hide it, I can hear the wobble in her voice.
Rape me.
A shiver goes through me. I don’t know my wife. But if she thinks I’d ever do that to her, she doesn’t know me either.
“No.”
She sucks in a surprised breath. “No?”
I chuck my suit jacket at her perfect naked body. “No, I’m not going to fuck you like this. Not when you’re lying there like a sacrificial lamb.”
Her mouth falls open. She jerks into a sitting position, clutching my jacket against her chest. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you needed me to make my rape more palatable foryou!”
I anchor my hands on the upper part of the bed frame and stare at her. “For your information, I’ve never raped a woman, and I have no intention of starting tonight.”
I expect her to look relieved, but instead, her anger only burns brighter.
She really thought I’d do it.
Perhaps then it would be easier for her to hate me for the rest of our marriage, and to wallow in that hate. She’d rather hate me than let herself feel pleasure at my hands. To do so would be her admitting defeat.
I file that realization away. “Here’s what’s going to happen. I’ll give you a few days to adjust to your new life and come to your fucking senses. In those few days, I want you to meditate on how wet you got when I kissed you.”
She makes a sound of pure outrage and scrambles off the opposite side of the bed. “You’re delusional.”
“Don’t deny it. Trust me, it’ll feel even better when my tongue is deep inside your pussy instead of your mouth.”
Her lips part in shock.
