Page 35 of Claim the Light
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
My lips set in a determined line before I say quietly, “If you’re hurt, then I’m hurt.”
Micah half-turns, but the pain lines around his mouth confirm my suspicions: It’s taking more effort than he’s willing to admit for him to remain standing.
“What did you say?” he asks softly, his voice strained.
Oh, fuck. How long has he been hiding his pain from me?
I don’t understand why he didn’t say something to Isaac when the angel offered assistance, but the most important thing is that I help Micah now.
I slip toward his chosen bathroom, squeezing myself between the doorframe and his big body. After I wrap my arm around his waist, I pull his arm around my shoulder, grateful when he doesn’t try to stop me.
“If you’re in pain, then I’m in pain,” I say, meeting his eyes.
He was exposed the longest to the ash. He said that Tyler didn’t break his ribs, that they’re only bruised, and that may be the truth, but the ash was all over his body for far longer than either Beatrix or I were exposed to it.
We don’t know enough about what the dust does, or its possible long-term effects, even now that Micah’s rid of it.
“I know you said your ribs are only bruised,” I say, “but you were exposed to the ash for far too long. I won’t leave you until I know you’re okay.” I try to smile through my worry. “Even then, I’ll only leave if you really want me to. But I won’t go just because you feel like you can’t ask for help.”
He exhales heavily and his body weight increases. “You’ve been through enough tonight, Sophia. I can handle this.”
Despite his assertion, his shoulders slump even further. Then, even though he’d started leaning on me, he gives a grimace and tries to move away.
“I should be looking afteryou,” he says, his jaw clenching and a hard edge entering his voice. “I’m supposed to protectyou. Not the other way around.”
My chest hurts as I hold on to him, refusing to let him go.
“Why?” I ask quietly, struggling to keep the frustration from my own voice. “Because you’re supposed to be the big, strong man in this relationship?”
His forehead creases, his eyes flashing to mine. Stony, hard, wolf’s eyes. “I’m supposed to be strong enough to shield you.” He growls. “I should be strong enough to stop any threat that comes your way. If I’m going to be your mate, then it’s my duty to look after you. I couldn’t do that tonight. I couldn’t stop Tyler. I’m not the mate you deserve.”
Damn. He thinks he failed me.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I could remind him how hard he fought to keep me safe. How long he stayed alert despite all the ash that would have been sucking the life out of his heart and soul. How much he gave for me tonight.
But at the heart of what he’s saying is a belief on which I don’t want our relationship to be based.
“No.” I rein in my sadness and my fear that my bond with him could break over this. “That’s the sort of bullshit Tyler lives by and I don’t want it in my life. There’s a fine line between protection and control and it’s fucking toxic when those lines are blurred.”
My arm tightens around him as I push my other hand against his heart, urging him to stay with me. I need to put into words what I’m feeling and maybe I’ll fail dismally to get my meaning across, but I have to try.
“That’s not you,” I say. “And it’s not me. We are not going to be like that. I’m going to help and protect you. You’re going to help and protect me. Neither one of us is going to feel lesser or incapable or be made to feel like shit when we fail. Because we will never fail to love each other. And that is far more fucking important than winning a fight.”
My voice chokes and my eyes fill with tears.
Damn it, but they’re angry tears.
They make his face blur, but I plow on. “So right now, Micah Grudge, I’m going to help you take a shower because I care about you and because you need my help and because it really won’t be a hardship.”
He has become very still beside me. Very quiet. Even his breathing has evened out.
He reaches up to slowly brush his thumb across my cheek, wobbling a little, but he seems determined to make the connection. “Fuck, Sophia, how do you always give me the clarity to get out of my own way?”
I bite my lip with a shrug, grateful that he seems to have let go of his self-loathing as quickly as he did. “I feel like I can be honest with you.”
