Page 35 of Cuts like a Knife
There’s no point. What’s done is done. It’s all happened already. Rian already won. He’s the winner, I’m the loser. It’s done. There’s no point.
I need to get away.
“Um. It’s great to see you all, obviously, but the opening conferences is starting soon and my flight just barely got in, so I need few minutes of prep. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” I wave, awkwardly and stumble backwards a little in my haste to get away. Doesn’t matter.
All that matters is that I go. I’m going.
As I hurry numbly away, I am vaguely aware of Drew, still by my side, saying nothing. We’re almost back at the lobby when someone catches hold of my wrist from behind and I stop and turn. It’s Adele.
“Its so good to see you Lex,” she says. “What room are you in? I’d love to catch up. Maybe we can meet for a drink later tonight? Or tomorrow?”
Adele Kramer, the woman who ditched me like I had the plague once I was fired, disappearing from my life without a trace. She never so much as texted to ask if I was okay. I had to drag her to that one coffee date we had and she acted like I was poisonous.
I shake my arm free.
“I’m not staying at the hotel,” I say. “We’re at a private house.”
Ha. That felt good to say. She doesn’t have to know I’m freeloading off Drew.
I turn to go, but Adele isn’t giving up. In fact, she’s still talking.
“That’s amazing. Really. I’m so happy to see that everything turned out okay for you … after everything127.”
“Not as well as they turned out for you, though, right? Miss Creative Director? Must be nice.” I know I sound bitter, but I don’t even care.
Adele, to her credit, I suppose, blushes a bright scarlet before replying. “That was a surprise. The promotion128.”
“I bet,” I reply. “But really, kudos to you, Adele. I’m sure you earned it. Somehow. Not that people generally get what they’ve earned or what they deserve, but you know what I mean.”
“Lex, I always wanted to say—”
I hold up a hand and cut her off before she can go any further.
“No need, Adele. I can’t imagine anything I’d want to hear. I’m doing great. As you said. Everything is hunky dory. Peachy keen. We’re both fine. You’re running with the big boys now. Very inner circle of you, and I’m just fine. Landed on my feet. Wasn’t that what Kelsang just said? It’s all good.”
Before she can say another word I’ve turned to Drew, who’s still standing silently at my side.
“I need to prep,” I say. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
I say nothing else, just turn and stride purposefully across the lobby. I don’t even know where I’m going, but as soon as I am out of eyeshot and around the corner, I stop. I lean against the scratchy stucco wall and try to get ahold of myself129.
On the hallway wall opposite me, I watch a little green gecko zooming it’s way up toward the sconce. It’s probably looking for a bug to eat. Half-way up, the gecko stops, curls its body into a C-shape, and as I watch, it takes what can only be described as a tiny, gecko-sized dump.
The turd — smaller than a mouse poop, greyish brown, a little cylindrical— falls silently to the floor and disappears against the pattern in the floor.
Gross, I think, trying to make out the piece of fallen poop among the various dark spots in the terrazzo. It’s impossible.
You know what? It’s a metaphor. We’re probably all surrounded by way more secret shit than any of us ever realizes. It’s always there. Even if we can’t see it.
It’s a metaphor for this week, for my job, for my entire life.
Chapter Ten
?
After a good thirty minutes spent hiding out in the rest room, the gift shop, and various corners of the lobby, I’ve calmed down a bit.
So, they’re here. Flash is here. Every witness to my humiliation. Every traitorous former pal.
