Page 24 of Cuts like a Knife
“That is … lovely, Marla. Thank you.” Claire is looking at the enormous the display of objects in front of her, an expression of bafflement on her face. “It really is generous. Um, we do already have a bassinet and a high chair, of course. From … before. You know.”
“Yes, thanks Mom. You really didn’t have to. Maybe we can donate the extra pieces?” pipes up Adam. He’s looking at one of the producers. “Write that in?”
“Oh, I didn’t do any of it,” Marla is saying. “They did. My friends. They were so distraught at how left out I’ve been, you see.” She’s started gathering her hoard back into the huge basket. “And of course, I won’t be donating anything. I’ll be using it!”
“Mom,” says Adam, gently, “we appreciate this so much, but we just don’t have space for it all. And you know, we’re so privileged and have so much stuff already. I’m sure there are families who could really make use of this stuff.”
“Oh, don’t worry about space, honey. All of this is meant to live at my house anyways. For visits and whatnot. It was a grandma shower, you know. For me. All this stuff is for me and the baby.”
There’s a full three seconds of dead silence before Adam speaks again.
“Mom. What? You’re …” he doesn’t seem to know how to proceed. “Sorry, you’re saying all this stuff is … for you?”
“Yes! For me, the grandma.”
“So you’re just, what? Showing it to us? At our baby shower? When it’s not a gift for us?” Adam’s face is incredulous.
“Oh, of course it’s for you, darling. You and my baby can use any of it that you like at my house. Whenever you like.”
“What the f—?” I hear Diana say in a low voice next to me. I look over and see that she’s started typing furiously into her cell.“Have you ever heard of this? Of a so-called grandma shower?” she says to Felix. “It cannot possibly be a real thing.”
“It’s not,” I say.
“Good lord.” Diana is staring at her screen in apparent shock. I look over her shoulder at what she’s pulled up. She’s Googled it. And the words “grandma shower” throw up more 52 million results. The first result is an article. I clock the headline.
What's The Deal With Grandparent Baby Showers?
Di clicks through and scans the piece in seconds, like the lawyer she is.
“I can’t believe this,” she says in a low voice, practically to herself. “It is a real thing.”
I look back over at Claire expecting … I don’t know what I’m expecting76. Shockingly, she bursts out laughing.
“Oh my god, classic. Classic Marla,” she says. “Hey Dave?” Claire gestures at one of the crew members — the floor director I didn’t recognize — and then to Marla’s insane basket of grandma gifts. “Can you help her get this back out to her car? We have a few more show-specific gifts for me to get through, you understand. But this is really, um, great, Marla. I mean. Amazing. So … thoughtful. It’s going to make for great TV, anyway.” She snorts and shakes her head as the crew guy helps hustle Marla out the door. As soon as it closes behind them, Claire turns to the PA on the floor behind her chair.
“Yeah, so she’s done. Let them know she won’t be coming back in tonight77.”
“Right-o,” says the PA and starts whispering into her mouthpiece.
“Okay everyone else, as much as we all loved that moment of hilarity, let’s get back to the real presents? Just a few more and then this can turn into a regular family event.” Claire smiles out at us.
Damn. I guess impending motherhood makes you really zen or something? Claire has changed.
As I watch, Adam leans down and kisses my sister’s temple. “Sorry,” he whispers, but we can all hear him.
“It’s fine,” she says back at him. “We knew what we were getting into when we decided to let her come. I expected nothing less. It’s truly fine.”
Next to me, Di is still speed scanning her phone.
“Listen to this,” she says, and starts reading from a piece aloud. “It says ‘we asked members of the HuffPost Parents Facebook community to share their opinions and personal experiences with grandparent showers. The responses were mixed.’ Then one woman is quoted as saying that her mother had a shower for herself when the daughter was pregnant with her first child. I can’t believe this. Who would do that? This woman goes on to say that her mom argued that the baby was going to be spending so much time at the grandma’s house that she needed just as much stuff as her own daughter — the actual mother — did. This grandmother was given all the things a normal mom would get at a shower. Clothing, a car seat, a baby bath, etc., but not by any of the normal attendees of the main shower.
“This grandmother tried to convince her own sisters and some of her nieces to throw it for her, but the general response was that they were already planning on throwing one for the actual mom, so they weren’t into it, yet this unhinged grandma didn’t give up!” Di’s eyes are wide as she relays the article to the room. “She got her friends to host for her. Just like Marla did. Unbelievable. The article goes on to talk about a mother-in-law who tried the same thing, but this time, no one consented to throw the grandma shower, so the mother-in-law just bought a tonne of baby gear for herself. And kept it at her house. For herself. I can’t…” Di trails off. Then she lowers her phone and looks out at the room. “It sounds too insane to be true, doesn’t it?” she says.
“Yeah, that’s … really something,” replies Felix, shaking his head.
“I love a good Madison family drama-fest,” says Drew, who is still standing dangerously close to my back78.
He’s not touching me, but through the back of my shirt I can feel the heat from his body radiating out at me.
