Page 105 of Cuts like a Knife
She’s quiet for a moment, thinking.
“I get it,” she says, slowly. “You’re thinking you break this story — spill the beans about me and Danny, and we get sued and it’s this whole big thing, you’ll get some kind of credit? You’re be a reporter who got a story no one else could?”
I shrug. It sounds awful, but basically yes.
“I don’t think I would lose my job. Even if the whole Flash thing did come out. This would sort of … wipe that away.”
“F— me,” she says, running a hand through her hair. “I’m not going to freak out or anything. I’ve been in this business too long for that, but f— me. I guess I’m the problem. You’re a journalist and I knew that and I still told you my whole life story like a absolute f—ing idiot.” She sighs. “But Alexis, please, please don’t write about us. I hear what you’re saying about your job, and obviously I don’t know exactly what happened, but it seems like you could be blowing it out of proportion. Obviously, I am not an objective listener or whatever, because I do have a vested interest in wanting you to like, not ruin my life,” she laughs, and it sounds bitter. “But all I’m saying it maybe you won’t get fired. Even if it does come out. Or maybe you can find out who emailed you and stop him, or them. I don’t know. But there are options right? Throwing us under the bus isn’t the only way, is it?”
I don’t answer her. I don’t know what to say. I wish it wasn’t like this, but this is the job. This is the world. I barely know her.
“So you’re doing this?” She says. “You’ve already decided?”
“I haven’t. I haven’t decided anything. I don’t know what to do. At all. I don’t even like my job most of the time. I just know myself and I know I can’t handle getting fired again. I can’t handle the looks. I can’t handle it!”
“S—.” She closes her eyes and puts her head between her knees for a moment before speaking again. “I know I can’t stop you. You’re going to do whatever you’re going to do. All I can do is ask you not to. Please. What we did was so stupid. Trust me, I see that. And after the show airs, like Danny said, I’ll give you an exclusive on us. I can like, tell you all about the wedding. You can write a How They Met. You can write a Where Is She Now, you can come up to Montreal and eat for free at Danny’s restaurant any time you want, you can have a signed copy of my book, not that it’s worth anything,” she laughs. “I’m desperate okay. Just please don’t do this. Or, at least just think about it for awhile. Until we’re done shooting anyway. At least until the end of the week. Because, maybe … I don’t know. Maybe if the show is in the can and they weren’t going to use us much anyway, maybe they won’t sue. I don’t know. S—!” She swears again. “That’s it, okay? That’s all I’ve got. Begging. It’s the best I can do.”
I sigh.
“Look, nothing’s definite, okay? I don’t know what I’m going to do. Just … don’t tell anybody else. And stop flirting with each other. I clocked you guys as a potential couple the first time I saw you together.”
“Tell me about it. We’re morons. The both of us.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. I’m a moron too.”
She nods and looks out at the boys, playing in the surf.
“Maybe I won’t have to do anything. I don’t know,” I add. “Nothing’s for sure.”
“Nothing ever is. It’s getting pretty late. JP will be back for us in less than an hour. Have a little walk on the beach with your man, maybe. Talk it out.”
“He doesn’t know,” I say. “No one knows.”
“Oh. Well. Anyway. We’ll have to start walking back in about twenty minutes.” She stands and starts waving at the boys, her arm making wide, slow arcs in the sky. Eventually Danny sees her and breaks away from Drew. She bounds down the dune toward him and they move away, walking up the beach to the north. I make my way to Drew more slowly.
“What’s up?” He’s says, when I get into earshot.
“Nothing. Twenty minutes or so until we’ll have to make our way back,” I say. “Want to walk?”
“Sure.”
I head off in the opposite direction, to the south.
“What’s wrong?” Drew asks, hurrying along by my side.
“They’re married,” I say, simply.
“So?”
“So? It’s a major deal. It’s a major story.”
“For who?”
“For me. They defrauded the show. Their whole schtick is a big fat lie. It’s a story.”
“Again … so?”
“So? What do you even mean, so?”
