Page 82 of Edged
He held up a hand and I snapped my mouth closed before I said something even more regrettable. The silence between us stretched on long enough that I debated flinging myself off the chair and into the pool, if only to drown and put us both out of the misery my confession had just thrown at us.
“In my head, it was…it was you, Owen,” I admitted. “I had so many ideas and dreams, fantasies about what life could have been like, what it would have been.”
“But you left me,” he said.
“You were my friend, and I didn’t…”
Why were words so damn hard?
I’d talked my way into every bed I’d ever wanted to get into. For my entire adult life, I’d used nothing but words to get myself—and others—off. I’d even finessed my way through multi-million dollar real estate deals and now that the things I said actually mattered, I couldn’t string a coherent sentence together to save my life.
“I didn’t realize that I loved you until you told me that you hated me,” I said. “I hate you, Archer, you said.”
“If we’re being honest, I’ve said it a lot.”
I pushed a self-deprecating breath out of my nostrils and shoved my sleep mussed hair away from my face. Owen watched me so patiently, so steadily. I didn’t deserve any of it, but I’d take it all.
“Rightfully so,” I agreed. “I’ve said the same thing to myself too. More times than I can count.”
“But the facts are still the facts, Archie.”
I reached for his hands, grabbing them tight so he couldn’t leave. I couldn’t bear him leaving me.
“Facts can be changed,” I said. “They can be spun.”
“This isn’t a fucking business deal.”
“I know!” I snapped, pulling him closer. His knees came alongside the outside of my thighs, our hands held between us. He threaded his fingers through mine like he was just as desperate to stay with me as I was with him. “This is so much more important than any deal I’ve ever made.”
“You can’t spin this, Archie.” The corner of Owen’s mouth twisted downward into a sour-looking frown. “There’s nothing that we can say to my sister to make this okay.”
“It’s been years. She’s getting married. It’s not like…”
There was no way this transgression could haunt me for the rest of my life. I didn’t believe for one second that Mandy would begrudge either Owen or me for being together. She was in love with someone else, building a life with them that didn’t have anything to do with me or him. I would just have to talk to her. I would have to explain, which was something I should have done a very long time ago.
“Archie,” he protested again.
“I’ll talk to her,” I said, breaking our hands apart and raising mine in a small gesture of defeat. “I’ll call her and apologize, and I’ll tell her the truth.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“She’s getting married to someone else,” I reminded him.
“Exactly,” he said. “That’s why it’s not the time.”
“It’s the perfect time,” I countered. “She’s head over heels for someone else or she wouldn’t be getting married. We can put the past behind us so you and I can finally stop living in it.”
“It’s not that simple!” Owen swung a leg over the lounger and stood up, walking away from me with his hands bracketed on his hips. I spun on the seat, facing him but not getting up to go to him. Fisting my hands at my sides, I dug my nails into the clammy skin of my palms to ground myself. A quick glance over my shoulder at the house thankfully showed an empty window, Grayson and Flynn nowhere in sight. I didn’t want them to witness this. Didn’t want them to see the worst parts of me on display again, because Owen made me needy and he made me desperate. He took me apart in ways no one ever had before or would again.
Didn’t he see that?
Why wouldn’t he understand that life had given us a second chance and it was worth fighting for? That it was irresponsible of us to get to the edge of this cliff and turn back because we were too scared to jump off.
He turned on his heel and stared at me, then looked up at the sky and sighed. After a handful of minutes, he came back, inserting himself between my knees. I curled my hands around the backs of his thighs and rested my head against his stomach. My pulse hammered in my head and his happy trail tickled my ears, but I held him tighter and, with a reluctant sigh, he threaded one of his hands through my hair.
“It’s not that simple, Archie,” he said again, this time with a sigh. His hand went limp against the top of my head, and I dug my fingers into the backs of his thighs.
“You’re wrong.” I pulled my head back so I could look up at him. “It’s been complicated for long enough, but it doesn’t have to be, not anymore.”
